I spent the morning scanning photos & praying a bit at same time. This afternoon I went & picked up P from work as we had appointment with J's teacher. This was to talk about his writing. He has always has some difficulty with writing & gets very anxious about it. This has been getting worse over the last few weeks as the amount of writing has increased dramatically in year 6. We are thinking of getting him tested by a private psychologist as we think he's probably a bit dyslexic. Each year we've been into school & talked to his teacher but never really got anywhere. But today we got a result! His teacher agreed to try letting him use a laptop in class & for homework which should be easier. He also said if he's doing that in primary school they can recommend to his senior school that he can do it there too.
He feels that we shouldn't go for local grammar school which is very pressured but should try one further away. We'd just about decided to give up on the grammar idea & J did no work all weekend. Perhaps we should get back to the grindstone. Tomorrow we're looking round local grammar (hope J doesn't like it) & going to open evening at technology college.
Anyway straight after meeting with teacher P had governors meeting just down the corridor so he pushed me out to car to wait for J to finish basketball. Things got a bit complicated as J going to firestation with cubs at 6 o'clock & P had offered to provide lifts. Normally P does cooking but I had no choice but to quickly prepare pasta for J & me & ready meal for P's Dad. I took a plate of food for P to eat in car then picked him up, having left meeting early, & drove home then P & J went back to village hall to meet up with other cubs. I was settled down doing some scanning when the back door opened & I thought 'Oh no, I'm going to be murdered!' but it was P, they hadn't needed him after all so we went to Waitrose.
J just got back, having had wonderful time with fire hose.
I think I definitely need some sleep.

What I should have said yesterday was that it was really nice & sunny all weekend. We went crabbing on Saturday but J didn't catch any, maybe because the tide was low (I won't comment on fact that they had left bait in crabbing bag since last time we went, I'm not even going to start pondering the mentality of someone who would do such a thing, but there is definitely a whiff of decaying fish in the car).
Yesterday afternoon I just sat out in the 'garden' sunning myself, bliss.
This morning got off to bit of a rough start. We went through the forgotten to bring lunchbox home routine again but I'm getting used to that. Then I remembered the Christmas card. At J's school they are doing this thing where the children design a Christmas card then the parents send in a cheque & it's turned into proper Christmas cards. J had brought home his design & we'd noticed a smudge on it but then forgotten about it. At 8.30 I remembered it had to be back by today at the latest. So at 8.40 there he was sticking a snowball over the smudge. And there I was rifling through my handbag. In my bag there were 3 chequebooks. None of them had a cheque left in it.
I remembered we had a new chequebook under the heap on the table & then we were off. Except one of P's moccasins somehow wedged itself under the back door as I went out resulting in a major struggle to get the door shut. I needn't have bothered shutting it anyway as when P brought my deckchair in last night he hadn't locked French doors, a burglar could have just walked in.
But then something strange happened. Normally in the morning getting out of our drive involves several minutes of taking your life in your hands. But this morning I just sailed out. No traffic! Normally as you approach the zebra crossing by the school there's a long queue but not this morning, again I sailed through. So we weren't actually late after all. I don't know why there was so little traffic, it does happen occasionally & makes me feel uneasy as I wonder if the world's ended & no-one's told me. One morning I got to school at 8.50 without having seen a single schoolchild on the way in. Weird!

Today I am feeling pleased with myself. The reason for this dates back to Thursday. On Thursday I went out in the evening to a fair trade fashion show at the school which was organised by the three churches in the village involving several people I know so I felt I ought to go. This got off to a difficult start. I had arranged with Becky that if I couldn't park right outside the door I would phone her & she'd push me in the wheelchair. This was fine until I got to school, could only find a space the far side of the car park & realised I hadn't got my phone. What I then did was stop a passing Mum who I didn't actually know & ask her if she knew Becky, which she did, & could she ask her to come out & see me. At this point she looked at me like I was completely, barking, mad but she did as I asked. The fashion show was good but it was awkward not being able to walk round to look at the clothes & fair trade stalls. I did have a conversation though with someone whose 2 eldest children went to school we looked round on Monday & had done very well.
Anyway when I got home P said that he had been asked to do the intercessory prayers at church on Sunday but he couldn't so he'd said I might do them. Now I'm just not the sort of person who does that sort of thing, I'm a sit at the back hope nobody notices me sort of person. Public speaking just doesn't do it for me. It reduces me to a quivering wreck. I rather vociferously pointed all this out to P. Then I realised something, I couldn't do it anyway as I wouldn't be able to stand up that long. Feeling rather relieved I left a message for the prayer organiser telling him this. Then he phoned me back & said he'd had a brilliant idea: I could sit in my seat & use the portable microphone! In fact he was very pleased with himself at having thought of this, so pleased that I couldn't bring myself to say I didn't want to do it anyway.
What I then decided was that I would trust God to give me the strength to do it & I spent several hours writing on bits of paper then screwing them up & saying 'I can't say that!' During the hymn before the prayers this morning I was literally shaking with fear but then I did it! I said the prayers in front of the whole congregation & it was ok. Several people said afterwards that they were lovely prayers. It just really feels like a huge victory for me. Perhaps I might even do it again sometime...

Yesterday we went to look round comprehensive which is our designated 'local' school & we all liked it. In fact J liked it a lot. It specialises in Maths & science, if you're good at science you can fast-track & do extra science subjects. It has very good labs & computing facilities. There are after-school science, engineering & technology clubs. It doesn't go over the top in sport. It has a friendly & caring feel about it & J likes the canteen. What more could you ask for? Well, quite a lot actually but what we're wondering is should we ditch the whole grammar school idea & just go for that one (although we do also have to apply for some other schools just in case he doesn't get in & I think we should still seriously consider technology college). I think we'd better wait until we've looked round grammar schools before we decide but part of me is hoping he hates them. The only problem is the journey isn't a very easy one but apparently we would get financial help with it as it's our 'designated' school.
We shall see.

Life has been hectic of late. On Saturday we went to model aeroplane show in Kent where a) it was very hot & b) it became obvious that one of us is very much more into model planes than the other two. In the evening I went to the quiz. Going to quizzes with Becky is usually fun but can also be a bit challenging because she is very, very good & I am very, very not good. I once went to one at the school where we ended up on a table with some highly competitive people & we won with me having contributed answers to precisely two questions. I took my prize feeling totally undeserving of it. Anyway on Saturday our team won, thanks largely to Becky but I did answer a respectable number of questions (here's my star answer: What type of meat is in Glamorgan sausages? Answer to follow.) It was actually a very good evening, I knew the other women on the table who had all brought their teenage sons to make up numbers plus Becky's son's girfriend. I think the key thing with quizzes is to have a quizmaster your age. The music & films he asks about will then be from your era.
Talking of age what happened on Sunday afternoon was just total embarrassment. J's friend Adam had his (rather belated) birthday party at local swimming pool. This was all going swimmingly (if you pardon pun). Children bounced about on floaty things in pool with the few parents who stayed watching them through glass & only a few incidences of minor assault in form of whacking over the head with floats. Then they sat down to tea & all was still going well. Then somebody asked J's other friend Tim when his birthday was. Now to understand what happened next you need to know two things: a) I had J when I was getting on a bit so consequently I am older than most other parents with children same age, in fact I am coming up to a birthday so shockingly significant it makes me shudder b) Tim & I share the same birthday. Now J takes great delight in fact (b) & proceeded to tell everyone about it. What he next proceeded to tell them was the precise age difference between Tim & me. At this moment the boys who might reasonably be expected to be making lots of noise all had mysteriously fallen quiet, so everybody heard what J had said. There followed a silence in which it was painfully obvious that people were doing sums in their heads. This was followed by another silence in which it was even more painfully obvious that they had done the sums in their heads. I couldn't help thinking that there must have been some witty remark I could have made to show I really wasn't at all embarrassed but I couldn't think of one.
Aaaagh!!

We managed to find restaurant I was thinking of! I had vague idea of area it was in & P said we could drive though there on way to another possible restaurant & suddenly we drove past it & I recognised name. It was actually a combined Thai & Indian & very nice, we had a platter of Thai starters & then some yummy duck dish with name I can't remember, chicken malay, a tofu & vegetable dish & pineapple rice. All very nice. Then went down to reservoir for a while for 'walk' in the sunshine & then picked up J from French club.
P off today & we went into town to get various odds & ends. Phoned Paula, our minister's wife when got home about something & ended up talking for ages about senior school application. They went through really hard time when applying for place for their daughter last year but she ended up in school she was happy with. When I went to pick up J Louise's husband said they went to meeting about comprehensive we're outside admission area for & they seemed quite keen to get kids from J's school. Should we leave one of grammars off & put that school on instead? Should we? I don't know.
J at Tim's house tonight (after they both did homework) so catching up on some scanning. (Looks like I accidentally clicked on box on screen to stop window showing but sorted out now). Has been nice & sunny again this evening.
Weekend looking a bit full - P wants to go to model aeroplane show in Kent on Sat, Becky might want me to make up quiz team Sat evening & Adam's party Sun afternoon as well as church in the morning. In between that J has got to do some work. I think problem with his Maths is he has been taught stuff at school but it's not reinforced & he forgets it. He's just going to have to have a lot of reinforcement over next few weeks.
P almost finished bathroom cabinet, sawdust everywhere!
Mustn't stay on computer too long as suffering from a bit of eyestrain.

Woke up feeling low but determined to get a grip. Was supposed to be going to church house group but it was cancelled at last minute which was a shame but at least saved me having to rush around getting ready.
Apparently there is a competition to find the most untidy house in Britain & I think we really stand a good chance of winning. It's such a tip! And I haven't got the strength to tidy up. And I haven't got anyone to help.
Feeling a bit frustrated as I have been doing some scanning of aerial photos for P's work (they're paying me for it!) but I can't get scanner to work properly this morning & P in a meeting.
Phoned Emily from church who's got daughter in year 5 & advised her to go to school open evenings this year rather than leaving it all until last minute like we've done (but no-one told us). Talked for quite a long time which was nice. For the rest of today I'm not going to worry about senior school situation.
Anyway three positive things to be really thankful for:
1) Last term nearly every Tuesday J was feeling ill, largely I felt due to being tired after cubs the night before. Yesterday he had basketball after school & then had cubs in the evening & this morning he was fine!
2) Tomorrow we're going out for lunch. There's a restaurant I would really like to go to but I can't remember what it's called or where it is which is a slight problem. It's a new upmarket Chinese out in the country that's all I know. Anyway we'll find somewhere nice to go.
3) Yesterday was nice & sunny in the afternoon & I was able to sit out in the deckchair in the sun. It might even brighten up a bit later today.
In fact I've got lots & lots of things to be thankful for.

Sunday morning as we were getting ready Louise phoned up & asked if we could give Adam a lift to parade service. 'What parade service??' I thought. J promptly got into a bad mood again as parade in Anglican church & he doesn't like the incense but I bribed him with a promise of going to the village shop for treats afterwards & quickly started 'hunt the woggle'. We dropped boys off & Louise's husband said he'd pick them up & drop J off at our church afterwards.
I felt lonely in church as J & Adam not there & people who normally sit in front of me not there either. Both seats remained empty until some people came in late & sat in seat in front. I was feeling a bit stressed out by J & senior school business & not very well. Real battle to worship God & not wallow in misery & self-pity. Sometimes I feel a bit lonely & isolated by my illness at church. The trouble is I can't join in with all the coffee making, Sunday school teaching, toddler group helping, event organising etc that the other mums are involved in, which leaves me a bit out of it. Things didn't get better yesterday when my knee suddenly got really painful & I could hardly stand on it. And the noise in the hall at coffee time seemed really loud & made me feel ill & I was just sitting there on my own . I ended up feeling really low & weepy.
What I felt God was saying to me this morning was Psalm 55:22: 'Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you'. He cares, he really does.

Saturday & Sunday were sunny! I'd forgotten what it was like to sit out in the sun. We went swimming again on Sat which started off really nice but turned a bit violent. I don't know who really did do what, there were a lot of allegations flying around but definitely J's foot made contact with Adam's mouth causing him quite a lot of pain, although J says it was accidental. And in front of several witnesses Adam splashed J excessively in the face so he backed away & bumped his head on the side of the pool & got out in a bit of a huff. There then followed quite an argument over swapping their sweets, A was demanding three fangtastics for a little bit of candyfloss which seemed a bit excessive to me but J had never had candyfloss before so gave in.
For the rest of the day J was in a foul mood. I was trying to get him to do some exam work & he was being just plain uncooperative. Part of the problem is he's feeling tired & overworked understandably but also he's decided he doesn't want to go to senior school at all. He will almost certainly have to be separated from his friends, he'll have to get up earlier to travel further in order to get to a school where he'll have to work harder & might not make any new friends. What he's thinking is 'What's in it for me?' & I can see his point. This morning he asked if I could home- school him but I don't think I can manage it & anyway it would be all day shouting at him to get off the computer & do some work.
Anyway it's all getting seriously stressful. Added to this when I phoned up the council they told me that although we're outside the admission area for our nearest school the next nearest one doesn't actually have an admission area they go on the distance you live from the school and we must be one of the furthest ones away. So if that one is oversubscribed & J doesn't get into a selective school he could end up in one of the undersubscribed (for undersubscribed read 'sink') schools miles away.
I've just about given up hope of him getting into local grammar & I'm not sure he'd cope with all the work if he did. We're pinning our hopes on technology college but he'll still have to work hard to get through entrance test. When we were at the 'meet the new teachers' meeting the other day his teacher said he'd be better off at grammar long way away than local one & not to worry about the travelling, he'd get used to it. At this point his teacher from last year came past & said she totally disagreed & it wasn't fair to make children travel that distance. When we mentioned the technology college his teacher said to be careful about applying there as exam is really hard & some children who get into local grammar don't get into there.
Anyway from next Monday we start looking round schools so might get a clearer idea.

If you have a child at primary school & they say they want to do an exam to try & get into a selective school don't let them. Instead take your family & spend the night in the nearest snake pit. This will give you all a lot more pleasure.

I keep saying to myself that having a slug crawl up your leg is a once-in-a-lifetime experience & I don't need to keep surveying my immediate environment for slugs & I don't need to constantly check my socks for wildlife & I don't need to turn my clothes inside out before I put them on just in case...
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling really rough, I stayed in bed as long as I could which is always a bad move. I lay there thinking 'I should have turned up his new trousers, has he got clean socks? I should have ironed his shirt, I should have filled in all those forms to be sent into school, I wonder where his reading book is, his nails need cutting...' All this paled into insignificance when I COULDN'T FIND HIS LUNCHBOX. The reason I couldn't find it was because he hadn't brought it home from school. Anyway I got him to school with an unironed shirt & long flappy trousers & chopped his nails as we went out of the door & the forms would have to do today but I forgot them today anyway.
Sometimes the effort involved just to get through the simple everyday things of life is so HUGE it's overwhelming. What does it feel like to be normal & healthy & do these things?
I got home from school & managed to put the washing on & sat there feeling exhausted. I opened my Bible & it opened at the bit from Isaiah on the right 'those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength' which was definitely encouraging.

So far J has been enjoying his new class which is a relief. He is getting lots of homework though which isn't very easy on top of the exam work. I think it's going to be an interesting year as the teacher he has on Fridays is a real character. He does taxidermy as a hobby & on Friday he brought in a stuffed bat for them to see. They all wanted to take it home (although 2 of the girls said if they did they'd give it a decent burial) & he let one of the boys have it as it was his birthday. I'm just so glad it wasn't J's birthday. Apparently he's also got a stuffed snail. How on earth do you do taxidermy on a snail? If he wants to have a go at a slug I could suggest a good candidate ie the one who crawled up my leg this morning. Yuk, yuk, yuk!

Phew! Have managed to get into my blog again. For the last couple of days I couldn't but I've just reset my password & I'm in again, don't know what went wrong.
Something really yukky happened this morning. I scooted up to the caravan & suddenly felt something wet above my ankle. I shook my trouser leg & a slug fell out!! It must have fallen onto my shoe & crawled up my leg. Seriously yuk!!
Have just got back from church lunch which was preceded by special service for kids who'd been to holiday club in the summer. Very lively! J's friend Adam came & so did his mum Louise which was nice. I'm not sure she really liked all the action songs & didn't join in & neither did the boys (J said they were 'stupid songs') but they did some of the craft activities in the hall afterwards & I think Louise enjoyed the lunch. We were sitting next to someone with really cute baby who has Down's syndrome. We kept taking it in turns to hold her, she's so soft & cuddly. She fell asleep on my lap which felt really nice. When we were in church I told J off & woman in front jumped - it turned out her son has same unusual name as J & she thought I was talking to him!
Have just spoken to both my brother & Dad on phone, neither of them are flooded as like us they live quite high up. I feel so sorry for all those people who have been flooded it must be awful.
P is busy making bathroom cabinet. It's getting closer & closer to the day I'll have a bathroom.
Quite preoccupied with senior school application at the moment. Firstly J is going to try for some of the selective schools & is having to prepare for the exams. This is a bit of a concern as we got a bit behind when he kept being so unwell. Also, although he gets most of the answers right on the practice papers he is way too slow & when he tried a timed test paper yesterday he only answered half the questions. We really need to work on exam technique. He has to do two exams for the one which is for the grammar schools he does 3 50 minute papers - English, Maths & verbal reasoning. For the other exam which is for the technical college he does Maths & non-verbal reasoning. It's all very hard & even if he did get through I'm not sure which would actually be the best school for him & whether the grammar schools would be too much pressure & if he gets into the second choice grammar it's 15 miles away.
We have a maximum of four schools to put on the application form & as we will probably apply to 3 selective schools we need to put down one comprehensive. There are 3 comprehensives we could apply to, the problem is that the one for which we are in the 'priority application area' (which means he's almost guaranteed a place) I'd have to drive him to but he could get a bus to the others. But I could ask to be considered as a special case due to my disability if I could get a doctor's note to say it would be much easier for me if he could get the bus. However I would have to do that now with the application so we have to make a decision pretty soon. In a few weeks time we will be looking round the schools & hopefully it'll become a bit clearer. If we really like some schools & hate others it would be much simpler.
Anyway it's all a bit complicated but I'm really trying not to worry about it & place it in God's hands & trust him that J will end up at the school that's right for him.

I am just so tired! Busy few days getting stuff ready for school, taking J to doctor to get mole checked (is ok), fitting in last swimming session & getting J to do Holiday Book. Ended up staying up late Monday night sticking in pages which was crazy, crazy thing to do. Then he came home yesterday & said it didn't have to be in until next Weds!
J went off to school happily enough yesterday in the pouring rain. I thought he might wake up & say he felt ill but he didn't. After I'd got home I spent the day in bed, feeling awful - headache, backache, feet aching.
He did an hour and a half of homework in the evening - drawing & colouring scenes from History. His art work really seems to be coming on. I wanted him to do spellings as well last night but he begged me to let him do them this morning. I woke up this morning feeling only partially alive & the next thing I knew J was flapping his spelling book in my face saying 'Test me!'
P took his Dad to hospital this morning because of a lump on his elbow, they think it's nothing serious but has to come off. Becky picked up me & Mavis & took us to coffee morning. Was very tempted by biscuits but next to plate was newspaper with headline 'Cancer Fears Over Cholesterol Drug'. Came home & had some vegetable juice!
Tonight is first Wednesday evening service at church. We were having evening service every other Sunday but attendance had been getting very poor so going to try service first Wednesday in the month. Mavis is very negative about it because 'It's just not the same as a Sunday' but we'll see. I still don't feel very well & would really rather be at home but I think I'd better go.