We were woken at 5.30 am by a scrabbling noise next to our bed. Digger had broken out of his cage! I think he wanted to get back in though that's why he came looking for us.
Had bad, bad week. J & I been ill with virus. School just phoned to check up on him & they said they do ask parents to phone every couple of days when their children are off. It's just feeling like a re-run of last year with J being off sick & the school complaining about their attendance figures & me feeling too ill to cope with it. The trouble is when he's been unhappy at school recently they're bound to be a bit suspicious. Anyway he does seem a bit better today as he's being quite naughty at times which is a good sign. Hope he stays better.

P says his Dad's wiring doesn't date from the 1920s it dates from the 1950s!

J started coughing a lot Sunday night & said he had a pain in his chest & his ear felt funny. Took him to doctor yesterday, said it's a virus & he needs to rest so he's not back at school today. P's Dad has a chest infection & is on antibiotics. I feel a bit under the weather & just want to sleep. P & Digger are fine though.

Yesterday was lovely & sunny & we went for a drive in the afternoon & had a little walk (well, me in the wheelchair) by the river. It's a bit colder today but there is definitely that feeling that Spring is on the way. Went to church this morning, sermon on marriage & divorce. Very aware that there are several people in congregation who are divorced but it was a very sensitive sermon. Brought home a recipe for banana bread for the Fair Trade lunch next Sunday. I'm going to try & make it but all you have to do is bung everything in the food processor so I should be able to manage it. P getting on well with cupboards & they're looking good, he's pretty clever really when it comes to that sort of thing. It's going to be great to be able to put some of J's stuff away.
J's friends Tim & Adam both at church, J's got a whole gang of boys to play with now. The kids iced biscuits in the theme of the 7 plagues of Egypt this morning. Tim somehow managed to acquire a whole stack. J gone to play round Adam's now so using the computer while I can. Can't think of anything else to write.

I didn't want anyone at church to know I was having my heart monitored as I'm sure it'll be ok & I didn't want any fuss but on Wednesday at the coffee morning someone said she was going to visit an old man from church who's in hospital. As she was going to the hospital just to see him & it's 10 miles & his ward is right next to the cardiac clinic I felt I ought to say that we'd visit him after my appointment. So my cover was blown. The staff at the clinic were really nice. I was quite fascinated by the monitor & kept sitting there saying 'My pulse is 89, now it's 90, now it's 86...' 'Have you really not got anything better to do?' asked P. I had to take it back in yesterday & I go in a couple of weeks to get the result.
The old man wasn't too bad but he is just getting very frail. I find it so hard to know what to say to people in hospital. We seem to have done a lot of hospital visiting over the last few years somehow.
J seems to have spent most of half-term playing with his friends & not doing his homework. But really I think that's what he should be doing at 10 years old, playing. I'm sure we didn't get anything like that much homework when I was at school. A lot of is because of the SATs, I think. Still at least they've stopped the ones at 14 so they're the last ones he'll do. Next exams will be GCSEs (unless he decides to do some piano exams). He went to a party last night & the girl's mum phoned & said he wasn't well. He suddenly seems to have developed a cough & is lying weakly on the sofa murmuring 'Please change my DVD Mum'.
Meanwhile the kitchen has turned into a carpenter's workshop as P is making cupboards for J's room. There is dust everywhere & every few minutes we have to put on ear defenders but it'll be good to have the cupboards.
The sun has been shining a bit today & the crocuses are coming out in our containers. Spring is on the way.

What I forgot to mention earlier in the week that the lady from the council who came about the council tax was very nice. If she was thinking 'What a tip how on earth do they live like this?' she didn't show it. They've banded us as an 'F' though. We did point out it's just a 2 bedroom bungalow but she said 'It is sort of big isn't it?'Anyway because I'm disabled we only have to pay as an 'E' but it'll be kept on record as an 'F' in case we sell it. Does this mean if I'm healed we'll have to go to an 'F'? And stop getting Disability Living Allowance? And pay car tax? Like I'd care! I'd happily stop all my benefits just to be able to run & have a normal life again! I should say when I'm healed. I can say that on my blog because I can't see the look of concern pass over people's faces. The trouble is, & I can totally see where they're coming from, people are worried that if I believe I'm going to be healed I could be disappointed. But I'm never going to give up believing that & it's the hope that I will be healed that keeps me going. If I end up dying before it's happened I will still have had that hope & it will still have kept me going. And in heaven I will be totally healed. So why destroy it? Anyway God has told me He's going to heal me, He really has.

The other thing was that after just replacing a couple of bulbs & tightening the handbrake OUR CAR PASSED IT'S MOT!

I keep thinking about those poor people in Australia where the fires have been. It's such an awful situation. Makes any problems I've got seem quite trivial. I've started typing out the monthly prayer bulletin at church (one of those things I somehow volunteered for without moving my lips). I start it off with something which is happening in the wider world so we don't just focus on ourselves & every time there has been something horrendous going on. Last month one of the staff in a children's home the church supports was killed & a boy badly burned in a fire. Sometimes the suffering in the world seems so huge it's hard to know how to pray.

Both P & J are at home this week so I hardly ever manage to get near the computer!
What I did after writing the last entry was fell asleep then woke up in a complete panic, not knowing the time & realising I still hadn't got anyone to pick up J! Thankfully it was only 14.55 & I managed to get hold of Becky on her mobile.
Quick update:

• We had more snow on Thursday night but school didn't shut (shame!)
• J didn't manage to finish homework but neither did several other children.
• J has even more homework to do over half term!
• P's Dad coming along fine.
• He has finally agreed to have his house rewired. Present wiring probably dates from 1920s.
• On Sunday P & I went to healing centre we go to for a special dinner for supporters. Left J with Adam for sleepover + he & Adam went to a party in afternoon. We all had a good time.
• Tired yesterday but otherwise I'm doing ok, back has been a lot better over last few days.
• Trying to sort out J's bedroom. P is building cupboards in there & I am sorting out J's old train sets.
• J & Tim spent today at a special science day in local town. Tim came back here for a while & left with 3 bags full of train set bits.
• Trying to stop J from performing chemistry experiments on the sofa.
• Digger seems much more settled in, J still a bit nervous with him.
• I'm going to hospital tomorrow to have 24 hour ECG monitor attached.
  

Stressful morning! Just about anything that it is possible for a child to do to annoy his parents on a morning when they are both preoccupied with a last minute tidy up was done in our house this morning. This involved a lot of sulking, moaning, stomping about, refusing to co-operate & finally spilling orange juice over his shirt, his homework & some important papers of Dad's. So what was it all about? He didn't want to do his homework. He has lots of homework this week. Why has he got lots of homework this week? Because one of the other mums complained they weren't getting enough! Don't know which one it was, perhaps just as well, though I do have my suspicions...
Particularly irritating factors about all this are:
1) He spends about ten times as much energy in complaining about doing homework than he would in just doing it.
2) He says there's no point in writing out spellings five times because he already knows them & then he gets some of them wrong.
3) He says it's all my fault as I could write a note asking for him to be excused from doing it. Like what am I supposed to put? 'Can J be excused from his homework because he doesn't feel like doing it'?
Anyway whatever the 'Positive Parenting Brigade' might say the only thing that works in this instance is yelling: 'JUST GET ON WITH IT!'

Arrived home with fridge last night to find P's Dad also just arriving home. Also found ambulance had sunk up to its axles in mud. Just as well P has a digger. Managed to pull it out just in time to go to Parents' evening which went ok. Teacher said he was very pleased with J & hopefully will get extra time for him in his SATs & he is also going to get some more help from a teaching assistant. Troublesome boy is going to be moved so he no longer sits next to J (which is just as well as he pinched him yesterday). Teacher wants children to inform him of all negative incidents which happen with this boy as they are trying to sort situation out. Boy obviously has some sort of major problem, not sure what it is exactly but I can't help feeling sorry for him & his parents.

I have a bit of a problem right now as car mechanic has picked up car to take it for MOT & I haven't yet been able to get hold of anyone to pick up J for me.

All the tidying on Monday exhausted me & I woke up yesterday feeling terrible: hip ached, could hardly put weight on right leg which also ached, shoulders ached, right arm a bit numb, felt tired...
Spent most of day in bed asleep. Feel better today but realise I just physically can't get this house tidy. Woman from council is just going to have to see it looking like a complete tip. Perhaps she'll feel sorry for us & give us a low rating. This is going to be seriously humiliating though. Can't even just hide stuff cos she's going to look round whole house. Maybe I'll put back the sign I used to have on the wall of the caravan: 'If I wasn't ill it wouldn't be like this!' although several people when they read it said 'Yes it would'.
Have had some wild weather here - lots & lots of rain & quite a bit of flooding around the area.
J been in really good mood for last couple of days, don't know why. He said teacher called boys to see him & asked what boy I mentioned yesterday has been doing to them. J told him he keeps nicking his pens & rubbers etc but didn't mention him shoving him. Still at least he seems aware of situation now.
Went to coffee morning this morning, new lady there who's a Catholic. Turned out we both went to convent schools so had nice discussion about learning Latin etc. Not many people I can talk about that sort of stuff with. She also has a daughter with dyslexia so was quite understanding about J's problems. She suggested we see if we can get any help from council with funding for special equipment for him. J got top marks in all his mock SATs except writing for which he got really low mark. Wonder if we can afford it if we should get some private tuition for him in English. He has spent so much time trying to avoid writing at school that he hasn't developed his creative writing skills at all & won't co-operate when I try & treach him.
P's Dad should be coming home today. Have to go in to town after pick up J as P has just bought a fridge for him as his old one packed up. Don't really feel like it, feel more like curling up in bed & going to sleep. Never mind.

Can't believe it's almost a week since I wrote anything. P's Dad was really ill at the beginning of the week & we were very concerned about him but then he suddenly picked up & is doing very well now. He must have an amazingly strong constitution. He might be coming home on Wednesday. Hope he's well enough to cope as I really can't do much for him. He has carers 3 times a day & P pops over before work plus takes him his dinner & puts him to bed but there are still several hours when he's alone.
It is now pouring with rain which is a bit of a change from snow.
Someone from the council is coming on Thursday to evaluate house for council tax. When J was at preschool they used to have something called 'tidy-up-time' at the end. We are now having BIG 'tidy-up-time'! Actually I really overdid it today & made my back worse (it had been better until I went to church yesterday - those pews!) & also my feet are aching a lot. But P noticed it was a bit tidier!
We have been extricating Digger from his tube & getting him to play with us. Think he's getting more used to us. J still nervous with him but hopefully it'll get better.
Had major 'not wanting to go to school' crisis with J. Supposed to go in to talk to teacher last week but couldn't cos of snow. Seems to centre round being bored with Maths & Science. Teacher said he could find harder Maths for him but not science. I've found a website where you can buy some science projects so I might give that a try. Weds night is open evening but quite a lot of other stuff I want to talk about eg one of new boys seems to have major problem with forming relationships & is quite physically violent & I'm not that happy about my child being pushed half way across the room. It's awkward as I do feel sorry for this boy who seems to have some issues with his home life but he does seem to have hurt several of the boys & I don't know how much the teachers know about it but they need to do something.
Went to doctor today, he's arranged for me to have bone scan as rib broke so easily. Also having 24 hour ECG next week to check out heart as still 'flutters' sometimes. All good fun!
J played piano solo in assembly on Friday. Said went well but 'nobody knew what it was meant to sound like anyway!'

Sorry for not blogging for a while, back, shoulder & eyes have all been painful & using computer doesn't help!
Quick update:

• On Sunday P & J went to London to see The Lion King. My back was very bad but went to church & church lunch. When got home fell asleep. Staggered up in evening to get P's Dad some dinner. Scooted over in snow with plate on my lap. As approached house saw lights weren't on. Found him lying on kitchen floor. He didn't answer when I spoke to him. I called an ambulance & paramedic arrived in just a few minutes. He began to come round a bit but was very confused & a bit aggressive. He's in hospital & improving a bit but still very confused. They think it might be due to an infection plus he'd got a bit chilled the night before when his heater accidentally went off.
• Like nearly everyone else we've had lots of snow. School closed Monday but open yesterday. However J woke up feeling ill & is still not well today. More snow forecast for tomorrow.
• On Saturday got a hamster which J has called 'Digger'. Sadly Digger hasn't quite grasped concept of 'not biting the hand that feeds you' so J has become a bit wary of him. He also spends all day holed up in his tunnel & comes out as soon as we're in bed when he starts making lots of noise with his wheel.
  
• P had long service award lunch on Friday at posh country club & I was invited too. Had a very good time, yummy lunch. He's worked 32 years for same employer!
• Going to rest now.