P & I have been having a bit of a debate as Becky is having a little New Year party & has invited us & also J to sleepover with Tim. I think it would be really nice to go but P doesn't like staying up late & doesn't see the point of New Year's parties so wants to stay at home & go to bed. We've come to conclusion that J & I will go without him & he says he'd be fine with that. Trouble is I'm feeling a bit under the weather (in a different way to normal) so I'm hoping I'm not getting one of the bugs & if I am I'd better not go & give it to everyone else. Just have to wait & see.
Sometimes I just feel I want to scream.
In fact right now I think I am going to scream because I'm trying to get J to get on with his school project & he's doing incredibly little work. He got this library book on ADD written for kids which is actually very helpful but it says kids with ADD should work for 15 or 20 minutes then have a 5 minute break. Trouble is it seems more like work for 5 minutes than have a 30 minute break.

We had a lovely time with my brother & his two daughters on Monday. P's Dad was over as well. His carer came in at lunchtime & gave an impromptu concert on the piano. P cooked what was basically another Christmas dinner & very nice. The girls are getting so grown up it's amazing. My oldest niece had made us a beautiful cross stitch card. I just gave her money for Christmas which she seemed very pleased with. She's very into clothes but is probably at an age now (12) where it's better if she chooses her own. It's quite hard choosing presents for the younger one as she has Down's syndrome so I can't just go by the age on toys but I got her a doll sitting in a carriage with horses with purple flowing manes (makes me glad I've got a boy!) & she seemed to like it.
Sadly my brother phoned last night & said his father in law has taken a major turn for the worse so they're going to stay on there & the rest of the family are coming to be with him. It's very sad but at least, as he says, they managed to get through Christmas.

I have been noticing recently that my husband has been smelling a bit mouldy. The other day I realised the reason. Our house has a front and back porch which is supposed to help retain the heat as you try & shut the outer door before you open the inner door. What we have found though is that the back porch especially gets very cold as the wall is so well insulated it doesn't get any heat from the rest of the house. As well as this the washing machine is in there which must generate a bit of moisture into the air & the ventilation system isn't yet working. As a result it's got damp & our coats which are hanging in there have got mildew. A couple are so bad we'll just have to throw them out & I'm washing all the others. P's bodywarmer was quite musty but he was wearing it without noticing. I keep my favourite coat in the bedroom so at least that was alright. I think we'll just have to keep the door to the porch open until the ventilation system is working even though it makes the house a bit cooler. Just like being in the caravan again where everything got damp. (One day I was even putting on my eyeshadow & realised it was mouldy!)

I hope you've had a nice Christmas. I have had a good one, I've so much to be thankful for, I've got a loving family, we had some nice church services, some good food, nice presents, I'm not living in the caravan any more... and yet I'm feeling really low at the moment. I keep thinking 'This is good, I should be enjoying it,' and yet I'm not.
Had a good church service this morning, J went up with some of the other children to help assemble a nativity scene. Sadly J & Adam had a bit of a falling out as Adam had been given 'Brain Training' for Christmas & J wanted him to let him download the demo & he said no. I've just been talking to J about forgiveness, he says he knows he should forgive Adam but he wants to wait until tomorrow. Becky & Tim came in at the end of the service as her husband & older daughter came to our church service. I feel really sorry for her because she's always gone to an Anglican church but her 2 older children decided they prefer our church as it's more lively & then her husband decided to come here as well. On Christmas day the younger two also wanted to come so she decided to come too so the family would be altogether. It's hard on her though as she's very involved in the Anglican church so it wouldn't be easy for her to just come to ours instead.
Yesterday went into town to go to second hand model railway shop to get some bits for J's train set. On way back stopped at Sainsburys, bought two pairs of trousers, a skirt & a cardigan all half price - my Christmas present from P. I resisted the temptation to buy a third brown hooded top. There were long queues of traffic going into town, everybody else after the bargains as well. We didn't go right into the town centre, can't imagine what that would have been like.
Tomorrow my brother & his children are coming to visit which will be good. His girlfriend won't be coming as her father is very seriously ill. He has had complications following his heart surgery & things aren't very good at the moment. Her mum is doing very well following her operation though.
P & J have just come back from a long walk, J's fingers got really cold as we can't find his gloves! They're probably too small now anyway, have to buy him some new ones on Tuesday.
Just trying to get J to do some piano practice. He's getting a bit frustrated as he wants to progress faster than his teacher is letting him, he's been told to stick to the pieces he's meant to be learning & not rush ahead in the book playing all the other pieces. He's having to wait until the new term to learn quavers but really he already knows how to do them. I've downloaded some simple carol music to give him something different to play (one's got quavers in it but don't tell anyone). I can see us having to pay for private piano lessons before long.
J's just asked 'What's the point of B flat?'
I can't think of an answer to that.

Happy Christmas!

Here I am after Christmas dinner just tucking into the chocolate mints & thinking the dishwasher's the best invention ever. Had a very nice service in a packed church this morning where J's friend Tim stole the show. The children all bring one present up to the front to show. Tim took up a toy lizard and said:
'This is Froggy the Ibizan lizard. He does everything I say.'
At this point he put him on the lectern & said 'Stay!'
Everyone just fell about laughing.
It's probably funnier seeing it in real life.

Just wish we'd had 'Hark the Herald Angels' at church cos it's my favourite carol of all time.

Have just had a really nice meal cooked by P (I did the sprouts). P's Dad with us for dinner. J didn't wake us up until 7 am (might have had something to do with me playing loud music after he went to bed so he couldn't get to sleep, just didn't fancy being woken at 4 am). J liked his presents especially the walkie talkie, Hornby train & Lego set. J gave me a lovely green scarf & P gave me 'The Priests' CD but we haven't had a chance to get each other our main presents.

Worst cracker joke of Christmas so far:

'Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect rotating in front of my eyes.'
'Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going round.'

I'm all shopped out! Did nearly all my Christmas shopping in just over 2 hours today. In fact did it all in just 2 shops & the market. This was achieved by buying what are probably the most unoriginal presents ever but they'll just have to do. Went into Woolworths just to say goodbye, nothing left worth buying in there now anyway. Hard to believe it's closing down. Have these childhood memories of going in there on a Saturday morning to spend my pocket money on some pick n mix & stamps for my stamp collection. Did some tidying this morning until feet & rib got too painful. Becky brought Tim round to play at 10.30 then we just sat & talked for an hour. Then later I took both boys round her house while I went shopping. Then met P & went to Somerfields then picked up J who is now sitting watching 'Chicken run'. Tomorrow just need to finish tidying (which may involve putting all paperwork in carrier bag & hiding it), pick up turkey (with J's help), wrap & deliver presents, get J to put up decorations. So we're almost ready for Christmas. What I actually feel like doing tomorrow is having a nice long sleep.
P is back at work now & quite a lot better (except at the moment he's having a coughing fit).
Have made things up with 'chief person concerned' which is good, very good in fact.

Brother in law from Norfolk & his stepson unexpectedly turned up at 9.50, just as we were having our traditional Sunday morning 'hurry up it's your fault we're late for church' conversation. He said he would still be here when we got back from church so that was ok. Felt bad as they'd brought our presents & we haven't got theirs as we haven't been able to go shopping due to our various ailments.
The nativity went really, really well. Children were all so sweet & everyone said their words nice & clearly including my little narrator. They did the nativity story in the form of songs set to nursery rhyme tunes eg 'Old King Herod was a mean old king, a mean old king was he' to tune of Old King Cole.
Back to church for carol service at 5 pm, have to get there early as will probably be packed.
I'm going to have to come off as both P & J nagging me as they both say they want computer.
-_- smerth (message from J)

Something else good happened this morning. Our neighbour trimmed the leylandii he planted in front of our house. It's amazing how much more sun came in today & how much warmer the house has been.
As it's Christmas I think I'm going to take a picture of my Poinsettia to show to you.

Another bit of HOT news. We've got a heated towel rail in our bathroom. Luxury! With things like curtains & heated towel rails it's beginning to feel quite homely. I don't know if I mentioned it but next winter we're probably going to get a wood burning stove. Wonderful!

The rodents in our village must have been worried yesterday. The school newsletter advertised the carols in the pub which would 'be followed by mulled wine & mice pies'! We ended up not going which was a shame really. P had said he thought he felt well enough to go so I declined lift someone offered me, I had a bath & was all ready then he said he didn't feel up to it. J said he didn't want to go anyway.
J in really hyped up over-excited pre Christmas mood after school yesterday. He & P got Christmas lights out & strung them from balustrade, they do look quite good. For the first time I'm beginning to feel Christmassy. Right now I'm playing a Christmas CD while P & J sit under the lovely lights doing a jigsaw. (In reality they're actually both in a bit of a bad mood cos P still feels a bit rotten & J came home from nativity rehearsal at church saying he wants to quit as it's stupid & babyish & not a proper play. I said that's fine none of us'll go to church tomorrow I'll just email minister & tell him why which took wind completely out of his sails so he's grudgingly agreed to take part. P's now saying he's not sure he's up to church anyway but there is slight problem that he's supposed to be doing sound system. We'll see. J's just started singing along to 'Winter Wonderland' - sweet!)
What I wish I had energy to do is make Christmas cake & mince pies which is a bit strange as I hate mince pies. I'd just like to be able to do that sort of stuff. Perhaps next year!
Really felt God saying to me to forgive some of people at church for some of things that have happened lately, started really crying, I think the feeling that there's quite a lot of stuff I'm going through that they just don't understand is huge. But that's just the way life is sometimes, sometimes you're in a pit that the people around you just haven't been in & they can't understand. Psalm 40 says :

'I waited patiently for the Lord
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.' (NIV)

And that's what I'm going to do, wait patiently for him cos he's going to make it alright.

What I'm wondering right now is how to stop J from scowling during nativity tomorrow.

P still not well but getting better. He managed to cook us a nice dinner last night. In fact we had venison casserole! J off school with the bug yesterday so had to miss pantomime. He wasn't too upset as it was Cinderella which he says is a 'girl's panto'. He's gone back in today for last day of term. They're allowed to bring in their DS lites to play with today. He & Adam are also responsible for emptying the school post box & distributing Christmas cards.
I'm feeling quite a lot better, managed to do a bit of pre-Christmas visitors tidying. Can now fit all 3 of us on sofa in relative comfort & can walk from living room into study. (Yes, it really is that bad).
Have been lecturing J not to repeat what he did last year. Someone who used to go to our church came to call with a card & some money for him. When I said to J that he'd been brought some money without even looking up from TV he called out 'How much?' Of course he might not get chance to repeat this appalling behaviour as who could blame person if they didn't give him anything this year?
P has just been saying how glad he is that he & J have got illness over with before Christmas. It's just occurred to me that I haven't got it, if I've caught it from them when am I going to get it? Christmas! Right now I'm going to go along with those Christians who believe that if you declare you're not going to get an illness you won't get it. So I'm not going to get horrible infection which makes you lie around on sofa sneezing all over your nearest & dearest with streaming eyes & hacking cough. I'M NOT GOING TO GET IT!
Tonight there's carols at one of the pubs in the village organised by the churches together. This is the first time they've done it, prevously there used to be carols outside the newsagents on a Saturday morning but now newsagents is a restaurant it's not the same. Trouble is I'm not sure I can go as P says he's not going as he's not well enough & I don't think can physically get in without him. Not sure I can cope with people being freaked out by wheelchair either. Have to see how much J wants to go.

A bit of good news. Had quite a nice letter from deputy head of Technology College saying they would consider J's psychologist's report when marking his entrance exam. So that's good. Probably whether he gets in depends on how well he answered questions he did answer which we just don't know. All in God's hands now. I'm not going to mention the words 'senior school' again until the fateful day in March when we find out.
J had school Christmas lunch yesterday then carol service, school party today & pantomime tomorrow. It's just non-stop fun!

Poor P really not well, he's spent most of day so far asleep on sofa. I think it's some type of fluey cold. Seemed to pick up a bit at lunchtime but back asleep now, poor thing.
As I've been sitting here with him I've been staring at curtains which he put up recently, they do make the room much cosier but there's something just not right. I've realised the rail is too far above the window, about 6 inches too far in act. I just mentioned it to P & he said 'I put it that height so the curtain touched the floor.' Not sure he's totally got the knack of curtain hanging.
Rib a bit better today, have got one of those chemical heat packs against it which seems to help. Went to coffee morning which was good, Becky was there & also another friend Joanne who gave me a Christmas present.
Having a bit of a crisis re church at the moment. I just wrote out the problem & deleted it because it seemed like washing dirty laundry in public & I don't know who reads this. For all I know the chief person concerned could end up reading it.
A lot of it is that I feel people just don't understand my illness & how much I need help. In the past I've had a lot of help but it's all sort of fizzled out & I feel like people have just given up on me. I try not to mind but sometimes it all just sort of bubbles up to the surface which is how I've got into argument with 'chief person concerned' who thinks I'm making a fuss about nothing when really what I'm making a fuss about isn't the issue, what is the issue is that I feel I need help.

Pain still bad but not as bad as yesterday & managed to sleep last night. P had arranged mountain of pillows &cushions so I could be more upright in bed. His cough seems a bit better as well. Got him to bring me porridge in bed this morning so I could take Ibuprofen then. It seems to take a couple of hours to work so the pain had eased a bit by the time I left for school. Bit of a panic this morning as couldn't find J's shoes or tie. In the end concluded he must have left them at school after basketball club yesterday. Just had to send him in tie-less & in trainers. Hope they are at school as he has a carol service at the church today. Parents who help in some way are invited including P as he's a governor. I think they should invite me on the basis that I would help if I could.
J had no clean shirts left at all so felt I'd better do some washing but real struggle to hang it up. It's really difficult at the moment as I can't lift with my left hand so that means 2 journeys rather than 1 to carry things across the room which is hard on my feet. I was thinking I can't ask anyone at church to help me because they're so busy with Christmas then I thought there's a certain irony in there somewhere.
P has just come home feeling rough so I take it back, he's not better.

Pain in rib is seriously bad! Couldn't sleep at all last night as couldn't get comfortable + husband coughing! I'm not unsympathetic but what I keep thinking is I don't want to catch it. Cracked rib + cough doesn't sound like good combination. Got back from school this morning closed eyes & woke up at 12.00!
Dad was meant to be coming for visit today but in view of my rib, P's lurgy & Dad having injured his ankle he's postponed it until after Christmas. What a healthy family we are!
I don't know if I mentioned that Dad had a load of tests on his heart & it was ok, so that's good!
Think we'll have to give cubs' carol singing through the village a miss. J won't be disappointed as he doesn't want to go. This is his last cubs event as 2 weeks ago we got told he's leaving & he's pretty cut up about it as he thought he'd got another term. He says he doesn't want to go up to scouts, not sure why but it's his decision. He also wants to give up basketball as 'it's all full of girls now' which is a bit of a shame as it's good exercise (& an hour off for me!).
I'm off to take some more painkillers.

Something bad has happened to me. I mentioned a few weeks ago I'd broken a tooth. Eventually I got round to going to the dentist & it was horrendous, the dentist spent nearly an hour working on it at the end of which she said 'That might work.' But it still didn't feel right so last Friday I went back to get it ground down some more. I parked the car & reached round to get the insurance form from the back seat. Somehow I overbalanced & hit my side on the edge of the driver's seat. There was a definite 'klunk' in my chest. That klunk was my rib cracking. A cracked rib is seriously painful. The doctor says there's nothing I can do except take painkillers & avoid activities that hurt it so I'm lying around doped up & feeling sleepy. What I was hoping to be doing this week was tidying up a bit as my Dad's coming to visit on Monday plus I need to get ready for Christmas. Help!

On Weds mornings I normally go to a coffee morning at church. This year the couple who run it suggested we all go out for a Christmas lunch which we did on Weds. It was really good, P came too so he could help transport elderly people. We had a really nice lunch, P & Becky had salmon, I had turkey. It's still a marvel to me that I can eat roast potatoes, yorkshire pudding etc with no bad effects. It's only 3 years since eating all that sort of stuff would make me really ill. I was in quite a lot of pain from rib but still had good time. One lady from church had knitted everyone a snowman with a Ferrero Rocher chocolate inside. I brought mine home for J who was thrilled with it. Had some difficulty getting one disabled man in & out of taxi but in the end P bodily picked him up & lifted him out which worked fine.
In the evening we went to J's carol concert. It was in the Anglican church & sadly where we were sitting we couldn't see J at all, or most of the other children either. We could see the orchestra though which was quite interesting. There wasn't anything like the drama of last year's performance when one little girl in the front row was violently sick. The whole evening was very good & the orchestra's performance of 'The Snowman' was really quite moving. Even when the hand chimers lost the plot in 'Silent Night' & ground to a halt they were still very sweet, standing there looking at each other & their teacher helplessly. Anyway what was really good was that J said his words really loudly & clearly. Even from our place at the side of the church we could hear every word. I'm so proud of him.

To update you on what happened with psychologist. We took J to her house Friday before last & she spent 2 hours putting him through tests while we went to Sainsburys which is nearby. (I got a complete shock when we went there because I didn't know it's been completely revamped & it's hardly recognisable. They've got an upstairs now with a nice cafe & a large clothes section. The only problem was that a large part of the car park is covered but where are the disabled spaces? Out in the rain!)
Anyway we went back & had a long talk with her & she was really nice. What she said was quite a shock though. She thinks J's problems are due to a form of Attention Deficit Disorder (not the hyperactive kind) and the main way to deal with it is though technology - using the computer & voice recognition programs & in exams he should be given extra time. She also said that his intelligence level is in the gifted range & in some of the tests he scored the maximum possible. It was noticeable that his working memory score was considerably lower than the others & probably accounts for his problems learning his times tables & that he doesn't always remember what he's been told. I didn't know that ADD could cause problems with writing but apparently it can.
I think she was the first professional who's ever completely believed us when we talked about J's problems ( & she never mentioned the words 'only child') but it's a bit daunting to think this is something he's could have to live with for rest of his life. I don't really know that much about it so I'm going to have to start doing some research. When we took J back into school his headmaster said that we could have a meeting with him & J's teacher to discuss way forward which is encouraging.
J has a few lines to say at school carol concert today. I told him to put words in his pocket just in case his mind goes blank. This happened at cubs concert last year. He & some of the others had written a play between them but when J came to say his part he couldn't remember it & stood there opening & closing his mouth helplessly. The trouble was none of the grown-ups knew the words so we couldn't help him & if the other cubs knew them they didn't say. Eventually it came back to him - huge sigh of relief all round.

Hi it's me back online again!
Our family safety filter is really efficient. It works by not letting you into the computer at all!
Actually it only took a couple of days to sort out & we can now get straight in about 1 in 4 times. The other reasons I haven't been on my blog recently are:

1) Got locked out of blog & couldn't remember password & hadn't got mental energy to go through process of changing it as suffering from general tiredness, lethargy & feeling like not doing anything at all.
2) Eyes been bad but now a lot better.
3) Up to neck in J's exams.

Perhaps I should just get over writing about the exams now because it's quite a painful subject, in fact it's very painful. So ok, J was doing 2 exams one for grammar schools & one for technology college. The scenario I expected was that J would come out of first saying it was really hard but sail though second. What happened was he came out of first really cheerful & saying it was lot easier than he expected ( I don't think that's any guarantee he's done well though). In previous years they've had comprehensions from the classics such as Thomas Hardy but in his paper they had a piece about latitude & longitude which was right up his street. Anyway over last week or so we've all 3 come to conclusion that school we really want him to get into is Technology College. On Saturday he did exam & came out almost in tears saying it had gone really badly. He has real problem filling in multiple choice answer sheets & we hadn't realised that that's what it was going to be. Therefore he hadn't managed to answer 16 of questions even though he knew answers. I asked teacher about format of exam when we went round & I'm sure he said it was circling the answers, of course he didn't realise relevance to J. I've been going on real guilt trip as I wish I'd found out more about it in advance & phoned up when we got psychologist's report & asked for extra time for him. The thing is I'm still trying to get used to fact he's got a learning difficulty & get my head round it all. I phoned up school yesterday & they said if I put it all in writing they would consider it. Probably if they're not prepared to be understanding about it it wouldn't have been right school for him anyway. Anyway I put phone down then burst into tears then sat down & composed letter & put psychologist's report in with it & sent J into post office with it after school. So that's that, all I can do now & I'm just going to have to make real effort to trust God that he will get into whichever school is right for him. 3 months until we find out!

I'm going to have to be quick with this as I decided to install a family safety filter on our computer this morning. I seem to have installed all sorts of things but I'm not sure I've installed a family safety filter & it's taken hours to not manage to install a family safety filter so my eyes are tired.
Actually I can't think what's happened recently except I got really upset because I said I was going home to rest after the housegroup & someone said 'How lovely to be able to go home & rest!' Then I thought it's really silly to get upset as they just don't understand.
One of the daughters of the lady who braved the storm won the Christmas card competition. J got the hump because he wanted the prize but he didn't stand a chance of winning because he didn't enter in the end. This was probably just as well as it was awkward with P being a judge & anyway even though he rubbed it out you could still see the dagger.
I bit into an orange the other day & my tooth disintegrated. I had an appointment at 9.15 today at the dentist. I got up nice & early & so did J so we were all ready to drop him at school at 8.50 so I could get to dentist on time. As we were going out of the door I reached for the car keys. Not there!!! In P's pocket!!! What can I say? Becky came & took J to school (late) but dentist had to be rearranged for Wednesday which is a nuisance as there are 2 wires sticking out of my tooth & poking into my tongue which is getting sore.
Ok, I'm a Christian, I'll forgive him. I might just kick him a bit though.

The village Unity Committee (ie the 3 churches together) is running a children's Christmas card competition for which P is one of judges. On Sunday night the weather was totally wild - almost gale force wind & heavy rain. Suddenly some headlights appeared in our drive. I opened the door &, having braved the storm & our potholes a woman from church stood on the doorstep holding two competition entries: 'The kids will kill me if I don't get this in on time!'
What most of the entrants don't seem to grasp, which does seem to be a bit of a no-brainer to me is that if you are entering a church Christmas card competition you probably stand more chance if you have some reference to the birth of Jesus on it somewhere.
What I've been trying to get through to J is that:
a) While it is an original idea it is highly unlikely that in the corner of the stable there was a pile of presents & a Christmas tree.
b) It is also highly unlikely that, while standing in front of the manger, one of the shepherds carried out the ritual sacrifice of a lamb.

Went to village Remembrance Service on Sunday. Not sure whether to go as P doing sound system & I had to hang around for 2 hours altogether & it was cold! Glad I did though as J was in parade with other cubs & scouts etc & he was chosen to help lay wreath. Good job I got his hair cut!

Bathroom update:

• We have got a door!!! ( We just won't mention the position of the light switch in relation to the door).
  

Update on birthday:

• Dad & brother both phoned up. They remembered! Dad sent me a lovely decoupage card which his stepdaughter had made. The only problem with decoupage cards which we discovered when P's brother sent them to him, J & his Dad (whose birthdays are within a few days of each other) is that you have to pay more than standard postage cos they're so thick. The person sending them usually doesn't realise this. Anyway it was very nice.
• Some time we are going to go away for a weekend for my birthday, possibly to Shropshire but would rather leave it until I'm feeling a bit better & weather better cos it's wet & miserable right now although the Autumn colours are beautiful.
  

J ended up being out or busy Mon, Tues , Weds & Thurs so still had to do some homework Fri morning which wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't woken up late. He realised he had more homework than he thought & it was all writing. He got in a real strop about it which made us late. We are supposed to pick Tim up from the Village Hall on Fridays as both he & J go to "Gym Trail" at 8.45, this is a sort of activity thing at school for children with co-ordination problems or some sort of learning difficulty. We arrived at 8.44 & there was no sign of Tim so assumed he'd gone on, I dropped J off & was driving home when I saw Tim walking from Village Hall - they were even later than us. I picked him up & took him to school. As I parked I said 'Watch out there's a car coming' quite casually as J is very careful about opening the door, the next thing I knew Tim had swung it wide open so other driver had to slam brakes on, he then calmly walked across in front of car! It's an interesting thought as to who would be liable if car had hit our door - would it be us or Tim's family? Probably if a child's in your car your're responsible for his behaviour, I'd better watch out in future.

I then went to doctor as my eyes are still being troublesome. He looked at my eyes through magnifying glass & told me to look at him. His face just looked so funny magnified I couldn't stop laughing. Anyway he said I've got 'dry eyes' which means my eyes aren't making enough tears so I might have to put eye drops in my eyes several times a day for the rest of my life. The only thing is I hate putting things in my eyes. Still there are worse medical conditions to have.
After school took J to town to get his hair cut. I let him say how he wants it done now & he's so funny about it, it didn't look too bad afterwards, just a little bit long. On the way there I almost did something terrible - I nearly ran into a guide dog with my scooter. It doesn't get much worse does it? They're talking about introducing driving tests for scooter drivers, perhaps they should. Anyway I missed it, that's the main thing.
I let J go ahead to 'Game' while I looked in a couple of shops. When I got to 'Game' J was playing on the xbox360 with another boy, they both had red hair, red sweaters & grey trousers, the only thing was J was 6 inches taller.
J then went for a foot long subway & went home & ate pasta for dinner. Where does he put it all?

Update on recent events:

• Meal out at pub very nice
• Bonfire night went well. Fire huge but sadly caravans didn't burn down. Children seemed to enjoy running round in long grass waving glow sticks & screaming as much as watching fireworks.
• On Thursday P & I went to unveiling of memorial bench for colleague of his I mentioned before who died in his 40s. This was some distance away in a nature reserve in Cambridgeshire. There was a long walk down to the bench but the ranger took us in his Land Rover. The bench was in a beautiful spot overlooking a lake & afterwards there was a nice lunch & we chatted to his family who were very friendly. But it's just all so sad.

Yesterday got off to a hectic start. J had come into our bed in middle of night after a nightmare. From that point on none of us got much sleep as there was a lot of tossing, turning & pulling bedclothes off other people. Basically he's just too huge for our bed now. But we all must have fallen asleep at some point because at ten to eight we woke up! Ten to eight! Help! Still, somehow after a mad rush J & I got to school on time although he was eating his cereal in the car.

Weather was a bit horrible - that sort of very fine miserable drizzle so what I decided to do was go shopping. We went to Hobbycraft in local town cos I've never been there & I bought some wool & a crochet hook as that's what old ladies do, sit & crochet. Then we went to large shopping centre. P was very patient which makes up for battlements & dungeons (see previous post). He wanted to buy me a watch but we couldn't find one I liked, my wrist is quite small so large designs swamp it. We got some nice chocolates though from Hotel Chocolat.
Today feel quite tired so have been lazing around mostly. J is on a school trip to Imperial War Museum to see Exhibition about Children in World War 2. Perhaps it'll make him grateful, perhaps he'll just eat his dinner wthout complaining. Perhaps he'll be grateful he's got so many toys & games. Perhaps...
Tonight the three of us are going to the pub next door for a meal which should be good. Hope P isn't stopped for pushing a wheelchair under the influence of alcohol on the way back.
Tomorrow the firework party of the century is happening & it's happening round ours, well ok we're having a few fireworks & Tim & Adam & their families & probably the people next door are coming round & bringing some fireworks & some food & we'll have a huge bonfire & bake some potatoes & it'll be fun! P's bonfires can get seriously scary so watch this space!

Woke up in a bad mood today. Gettng ready for church felt like trying to run uphill through mud. I kept saying to myself that the minor tribulations of my life - wrenched neck taking off nightdress,water not really hot enough, couldn't find makeup, didn't know what to wear, skirt I then decided to wear found festering at bottom of laundry basket, boots won't stay up cos of lack of calf muscles, I wish I wasn't so fat, all cereal bowls in dishwasher, why couldn't P have put the Yellow Pages away instead of leaving it on the chair & why is it that however hard I work to create clear spaces on the worktop someone just puts something on it straight away & why does J have to make so much fuss whenever I ask him to wash...really on the scale of human suffering & when you think of what people are going through in the Congo it's all nothing.
Headed off to church with bowl of grapes (for church lunch) on my lap. P drove more carefully than last time we were transporting a bowl of grapes when he braked suddenly & there were grapes everywhere. I think some of them were a bit gritty when people came to eat them.

Church lunch was good - baked potatoes, only problem was that Adam doesn't like baked potatoes. Somehow I ended up eating 2 lots of chocolate pie & a cupcake. They gave me some flowers which was nice.
J really nagging us to have fireworks on Weds, we'll see.

We went to Norwich on Friday. It was a sunny day although a bit cold. Norwich is a fascinating city with lots of interesting & unusual little shops. I would have liked to go round the shops a bit more but P & J weren't all that keen. We went to the castle museum & P & J went up onto the battlements & down to the dungeons while I sat in the cafe for 1 1/2 hours. I couldn't really get through to them that that wasn't 100% fun for me & if I do that for them they should then be prepared to spend the same amount of time going round clothes shops with me. But where they wanted to head next was the model shop. This is one of the really frustrating things about the wheelchair, if I could walk I could just leave them at the museum, say 'see you in 2 hours' & head off to the mall. Really what I need is to get a little scooter to take with us on days out but they're quite expensive & I keep thinking it's not worth it as I'll be better soon. Perhaps when we sell Dorothy's house I'll get one.
On the way home we stopped off at a pub & had something to eat. I had cod & chips which was really nice but I keep thinking now I'm getting older I shouldn't be eating food like that, or perhaps just occasionally. On one table near us a woman was chatting on her mobile phone while the man ate in silence. On the other table near us the man was chatting while the woman ate in silence. This is obviously what passes for 'going out to dinner together' these days. I then remembered I needed to ask Becky to mind J Saturday night but I decided to text instead. What did we do before mobiles?
Yesterday night we went to a 40th birthday for one of P's colleagues. I can really clearly remember her 30th party, we brought baby J along & he kept dribbling over people. It was a really good party although the music was a bit loud (I am getting old!). One thing that was a bit sad though was that a good friend of hers, who was a larger than life character & would definitely have been there, died suddenly aged 43 earlier this year. There was a sort of gap where he would have been.
I'm just thinking how old I'll be when she has her 50th. I can't say I'll probably have a walking stick then cos I've already got one. Perhaps I won't have one by then. Perhaps I'll be dancing the night away.

It is sooo cold today. Not feeling all that well, eyes a bit painful again & a bit shivery & got a bit of a cough. Perhaps it's old age causing my body to generally disintegrate.
J & I ventured through the hailstorms into town as we wanted to get his hair cut but there was such a long wait at Supercuts we decided to leave it. Went into Wilkinsons instead to get stuff for shoeboxes. These are the shoeboxes you fill with toys & sweets etc & they go to children who won't get any other Christmas presents. We are doing one for church & one for school. Ended up with 2 big bags of stuff & J was actually very helpful, packing shopping into bags for me. I love imagining the children's faces when they open their boxes, what I hate is wrapping the box in Christmas paper, wrapping just isn't one of my skills. My Christmas presents always look like the paper's third hand.
J & I also made a candle together which was really fun & not bad for a first attempt. Perhaps we'll light it when we have dinner. Perhaps I should warn the fire brigade now.
P & J had really good time yesterday, went to RAF & Docklands museums.
We're planning to have a day out tomorrow, all 3 of us. Don't know where we'll go yet. Hope it's warmer. Hope I feel better.

Some other updates:

• A woodpecker has been causing serious damage to our house! Seriously! Our house is constructed of what are called 'sip panels' which are like two wooden boards with foam in between. Anyway it's managed to peck through the outer board & tunnel quite some way through the foam. P has had to go up on a ladder to patch it up. Becky says what do we expect building a wooden house in a wood but what I expect is for the woodpeckers to peck the trees like they're meant to.
• P has just phoned from London & said there's snow!
• Senior schools we have applied to are: 1) Far away grammar 2) Technology college 3) Other far away grammar 4) Local comprehensive
• If you remember quiz question about what sort of meat is in Glamorgan sausages the answer is none, they're vegetarian.
• P & J never did manage to get tent up.
• I'm quite encouraged by how my filing system is going. Once I've got the paperwork a bit sorted I might even go on to try & organise P's tools a bit. Not a job for the fainthearted!!
• We've got a working dishwasher! The dishwasher is one of the best inventions ever!
  
  

It's seriously cold here! Took P & J to station this morning as they're going to RAF museum in Hendon for the day. Then went on to coffee morning which was ok although I really felt like staying snuggled up & warm at home. Now I'm sitting here doing some scanning & enjoying a bit of peace.
Over the last few days I have:

• Been feeling better.
• Been to church on Sunday where they handed out musical instruments to the children blissfully ignorant of the fact that a pair of cymbals in the hands of a 10 year old is a lethal weapon. It was also last Sunday at church for people who usually sit in front of me as they're moving away which is really sad. I'm wondering about branching out a bit & sometimes sitting somewhere different. I do like to sit next to wall though so I can lean against it.
• Been getting J to do some more exam papers but I'm getting seriously concerned about how hard he's finding it to fill in multiple choice answer sheet. He says it produces same feelings in his head as when he sits down in front of blank sheet of paper.
• Have phoned up psychologist to make an appointment for J even though I don't know where we'll get money from. I'm seriously wondering about selling some of our possessions on e-bay. Anyway I'm waiting for her to phone me back.
• Had J's friend Tim round to play all day Monday & it was really nice to have a toilet in the house for him to use. He was the first visitor to have the honour. J & I went in & watched him flush it as it was such a special occasion.
• Have come to the conclusion that having a door on our bathroom would be a good idea.
• Made some microwave popcorn for Tim & J. Had nearly got to end of making it when there was a loud bang & glass turntable shattered. Why? Why, why, why did this happen? I was following instructions exactly & I've done it several times before. So why?
  
• Have put back on weight that I lost a couple of weeks ago. I had been looking forward to getting into my jeans again & now ...
  

Had a bit of a rough day yesterday, I felt so tired all day & had some episodes of heart beating fast again. Fell asleep after lunch & when I woke up I just didn't feel I had strength to go & get J. Phoned Becky & she picked him up for me & took him home & fed him & kept him until P picked him up at 7.30. What a life-saver!
Feel a bit better today, just sleepy, I think maybe it's the anti-dizziness tablets I've been taking. J is off school as it's a non-pupil day . It's now three hours since I asked him to do an exam paper & he's just sat down & started. I can understand him wanting to relax a bit this morning as it's effectively the first day of half term but we do really have to work this half-term though if he's to stand any chance in selective school exams. He's doing English which is his least favourite subject so there's a lot of groaning going on.
Another reason I was probably tired yesterday was having gone to Open Evening the night before. You're allowed to bring children with you & they play in the hall with a (brave!) teacher supervising them. There were a group playing an organised game just inside the door & they had to be told to stop to let me through in the wheelchair, then we had to cross the long strip of paper they were drawing on & left some tread marks. 'Wouldn't it be nice just to slip in unnoticed!' I said to P.
There was a long wait to see the teacher during which J attempted to cover whole strip of drawing paper with stick men & I wished other parents were able to just have a normal conversation rather than assuming expressions that seem to say 'that's J's mum who's in a wheelchair & I don't know what to say to her' & looking the other way. I also wished I had the sort of sparkling out-going personality which would overcome their reticence. But I haven't.
(J has just said that he can't do his test as he doesn't know enough & I've got a horrible feeling he's right.)
J could have come in to see teacher with us but he said he'd rather draw stick men ( & he probably saw expression of boy who came out before him who was commanded to come in with his Dad). Anyway his teacher said J's a pleasure to have in the class which is nice, although he's a bit quiet, apart from in science lessons. He showed us all these statistics & spider charts he'd produced as a result of tests J had done. I just wonder how accurate all these spider charts are, though. As a result of one question in one test he says J has to work at problem solving but for all we know he could do another fifty problem solving questions & get them right & for all we know one of the areas he's been scored 100% on could have been just a guess.
(J is currently moaning with almost physical pain, I keep wondering if I'd doing the right thing getting him to do these exams, but we've had loads of conversations about it & he says he wants to & he liked one of grammar schools a lot).
So we came home from open evening with a whole pack of paperwork showing us which areas to work on with J, but really we knew he needed to work on those areas anyway. What is a bit worrying is that in his science test where a few lines of writing were required he just didn't answer as he 'knew the answer but didn't know how to get it out of his brain'. Just have to keep saving up for psychologist's fee.

It's a lovely day & the sun is streaming in through our dining room window & also heating up the solar panels which is nice, we're waiting to see at what point during the winter we're going to have to resort to the immersion heater. Normally go to church house group on a Tuesday but am staying at home & resting as still don't feel very well. A friend just phoned me as she'd read my blog & seen that I was ill which was really nice of her. Thank you, if you're reading this.
Just tried to get into schools admissions website to finalise the order of our preferences & I can't get in - it seems to have crashed. Apparently this happened last year, presumably because of all the last minute applications. Hope it gets sorted out, would be worse if I hadn't applied at all though.
Going to come off & have some lunch & rest.
(Parent's evening tomorrow night!!)

Have been really, really ill. On Saturday heart beating like mad, felt a bit faint all morning, lay down & had a sleep then got up & had lunch. Immediately afterwards felt really faint & lay down, still felt very faint, heart going crazy then started shivering. P phoned emergency doctor who said I could come to the hospital in an hour and a half when they had a free slot but if I got chest pains or shortness of breath to call an ambulance. So I just lay there waiting to see if I got any chest pains & worrying every time I felt the slightest twinge & wondering if I was short of breath or not. Just to help J came in & jumped on my chest.
Anyway I've had an ECG & it's normal & they think it's all due to a viral infection (which probably caused the pain in my eyes as well) & I've also got 'postural hypotension' which is when you sit or stand up & your blood pressure drops a lot. People with ME tend to get it. Anyway I've just got to rest & I do feel a bit better today. It's a relief to know it's nothing really serious, I just don't fancy a heart problem on top of everything else.

I can't ramble much today but here's a quick update:
My Dad's developed angina again, he had a bypass in 1989 so it's a bit of a cause for concern.
My brother's in-laws (whom we know quite well) are both having major heart ops on same day - Oct 26.
Have decided on four schools - two far away grammars, technology college & local comprehensive.
We now feel almost certain J has a form of dyslexia, saving up for private psychologist's appointment, senior schools all seem positive about him using keyboard in class but being allowed to use it for exams might be more of problem.
I have coloured my hair, it is now really quite dark.
J has started piano lessons, a bit late really but he is showing a surprising degree of aptitude for it.
I have really not been very well lately, have had bad back then very sore eyes & also have felt faint when I stand up sometimes. I've also felt my heart beating quite fast at times. Over the last couple of days I've felt really terrible, yesterday I actually thought I was going to die. When I went to doctor this morning he said I've got tachycardia (ie my heart is racing) & I've also got a tremor in my hands. He said it could be due to a virus or possibly an overactive thyroid, we'll have to wait for blood test results.
Anyway some good news: first J won a prize for his summer holiday book .....and second, really, really good news as far as I'm concerned, in fact really amazingly wonderful, can't believe it's finally happened news:

I HAVE HAD A BATH IN OUR BATHROOM!!!!!

No I haven't dsappeared off the face of the earth but I've had a bad back which is now a lot better & now I've got a problem with very sore eyes & I went to the doctor this morning & I'm not sure she gave me the right medication which is another problem. Anyway I think I'd better rest my eyes. Will try & write something soon. Got some bits of not very good news & one bit of good news.

Yesterday J's class went to a Chinese Puppet Show & had to be at school at 8.20. I won't go through the trials that resulted in us getting to school at 8.21 but he was in time for the coach. On the way he said he didn't want to go to the puppet show & I asked him why not. He replied 'Because we'll have to write about it afterwards' & that made me feel really upset. He is so anxious about writing that it spoils what should be a good day out.
However when I picked him up he was really excited. 3 good things had happened:
He'd gone onto new text book in French club.
Puppet show was brilliant (one even breathed fire!)
He'd been allowed to write about puppet show on computer & it was much better.
In the evening he wrote a story on the laptop rather than by hand & it was so much easier than usual. Do I dare hope that this could be the start of school finally starting to come together for J?
In the evening I went to evening service at church. This was very good but there were only half the number of people that there were last time which was disappointing & I didn't get home until 10 o'clock which is a bit late.
I've got to rush off to school now. Going to another open evening tonight.

In the evening we went to the open evening at the technology college. I managed not to get soaked on the way in but it was quite difficult to see much as there were crowds & crowds of people. We went round the technology rooms which were amazing, J's face was just ecstatic. J looked very bored at the headteacher's talk & was disappointed as we didn't get to the 'sample school dinners' stall in time but we did buy him a cake & he cheered up. We then went into the special needs room & the lady in there was very helpful & said they'd do all they could to support J but we probably should get a psychologist's report as it would enable them to do more for him. We then gave up trying to cope with the crowds & went home. We've got an appointment to go on a tour on Oct 13, we should be able to see more then but what we saw on Tuesday seemed very good. He would need to pass the entrance test though, which is very hard although it is in Maths & Non-verbal reasoning both of which he is very good at. He's a lot better than me at NVR, I think our brains are wired up very differently. If he can't do one of the NVR questions I usually can't help him because I can't understand it.

What I am trying to get through to J is that in the whole decision-making process concerning his senior school education the type of trainers they are allowed to wear for PE simply doesn't feature very highly.
We went round the local grammar school on Monday which simply wasn't a pleasant experience. I had phoned them up & said I would be in a wheelchair & was told that there were some parts of the school I wouldn't be able to see. Anyway between us getting out of the car & arriving at the door there was a torrential downpour & as I hadn't anything to put over my legs they got soaked. I looked as if someone had thrown a bucket of water over me. After battling with a complex security system while waiting in the rain a receptionist appeared, looked at me & said 'Lady in the wheelchair I told you we couldn't accommodate you!' I replied that that wasn't what I'd been told & I'd got no intention of staying out in the rain so we managed to get up the three steps to the side door & while P & J went up 2 flights of stairs for the headmaster's talk in the library I stayed in the corridor. This corridor was very shabby & I got very cold, being just yards from an open door (what's the point of a complex security system at the front door if the side door, leading onto the street, is wide open?) Teachers kept walking past & enquiring in public school accents if I was ok & eventually the deputy head stopped & asked if I wanted to ask him anything about the school, which was nice of him. I did think of asking 'Have you heard of the Disability Discrimination Act?' but thought perhaps not. I asked him about sport & he said 'If your son's good at sport he'll do fine here' & I said that no, actually I was asking because he isn't good at sport. Then I asked if they put the children into sets & he said no because they were all of a high standard. I asked him about special needs & told him about J's writing problem but how he really is intelligent underneath it all & I could see by his expression that intelligent children are two a penny to them. 'He'll have to get through entrance exam first' he said. He didn't say 'Of course we'd do our best to support him.' Then P & J came down with 2 boys to show us round downstairs & J was in a real sulk because he 'didn't like the architecture' & they'd said he couldn't wear black soled trainers (does it matter, for goodness sake!). He had a totally miserable face & would only reply to questions in monosyllables, despite my whispered admonitions.
As we went round we saw an empty hall downstairs & I thought the headmaster could have done his talk down there, just for once. Comprehensive was much nicer to me.
By the end J did concede there are some good points about the school. It is one of the top schools in the country, teaching is undeniably of a very high standard & they get very good results but even if he got in it just wouldn't work for J.
That's one school off the list anyway.

I spent the morning scanning photos & praying a bit at same time. This afternoon I went & picked up P from work as we had appointment with J's teacher. This was to talk about his writing. He has always has some difficulty with writing & gets very anxious about it. This has been getting worse over the last few weeks as the amount of writing has increased dramatically in year 6. We are thinking of getting him tested by a private psychologist as we think he's probably a bit dyslexic. Each year we've been into school & talked to his teacher but never really got anywhere. But today we got a result! His teacher agreed to try letting him use a laptop in class & for homework which should be easier. He also said if he's doing that in primary school they can recommend to his senior school that he can do it there too.
He feels that we shouldn't go for local grammar school which is very pressured but should try one further away. We'd just about decided to give up on the grammar idea & J did no work all weekend. Perhaps we should get back to the grindstone. Tomorrow we're looking round local grammar (hope J doesn't like it) & going to open evening at technology college.
Anyway straight after meeting with teacher P had governors meeting just down the corridor so he pushed me out to car to wait for J to finish basketball. Things got a bit complicated as J going to firestation with cubs at 6 o'clock & P had offered to provide lifts. Normally P does cooking but I had no choice but to quickly prepare pasta for J & me & ready meal for P's Dad. I took a plate of food for P to eat in car then picked him up, having left meeting early, & drove home then P & J went back to village hall to meet up with other cubs. I was settled down doing some scanning when the back door opened & I thought 'Oh no, I'm going to be murdered!' but it was P, they hadn't needed him after all so we went to Waitrose.
J just got back, having had wonderful time with fire hose.
I think I definitely need some sleep.

What I should have said yesterday was that it was really nice & sunny all weekend. We went crabbing on Saturday but J didn't catch any, maybe because the tide was low (I won't comment on fact that they had left bait in crabbing bag since last time we went, I'm not even going to start pondering the mentality of someone who would do such a thing, but there is definitely a whiff of decaying fish in the car).
Yesterday afternoon I just sat out in the 'garden' sunning myself, bliss.
This morning got off to bit of a rough start. We went through the forgotten to bring lunchbox home routine again but I'm getting used to that. Then I remembered the Christmas card. At J's school they are doing this thing where the children design a Christmas card then the parents send in a cheque & it's turned into proper Christmas cards. J had brought home his design & we'd noticed a smudge on it but then forgotten about it. At 8.30 I remembered it had to be back by today at the latest. So at 8.40 there he was sticking a snowball over the smudge. And there I was rifling through my handbag. In my bag there were 3 chequebooks. None of them had a cheque left in it.
I remembered we had a new chequebook under the heap on the table & then we were off. Except one of P's moccasins somehow wedged itself under the back door as I went out resulting in a major struggle to get the door shut. I needn't have bothered shutting it anyway as when P brought my deckchair in last night he hadn't locked French doors, a burglar could have just walked in.
But then something strange happened. Normally in the morning getting out of our drive involves several minutes of taking your life in your hands. But this morning I just sailed out. No traffic! Normally as you approach the zebra crossing by the school there's a long queue but not this morning, again I sailed through. So we weren't actually late after all. I don't know why there was so little traffic, it does happen occasionally & makes me feel uneasy as I wonder if the world's ended & no-one's told me. One morning I got to school at 8.50 without having seen a single schoolchild on the way in. Weird!

Today I am feeling pleased with myself. The reason for this dates back to Thursday. On Thursday I went out in the evening to a fair trade fashion show at the school which was organised by the three churches in the village involving several people I know so I felt I ought to go. This got off to a difficult start. I had arranged with Becky that if I couldn't park right outside the door I would phone her & she'd push me in the wheelchair. This was fine until I got to school, could only find a space the far side of the car park & realised I hadn't got my phone. What I then did was stop a passing Mum who I didn't actually know & ask her if she knew Becky, which she did, & could she ask her to come out & see me. At this point she looked at me like I was completely, barking, mad but she did as I asked. The fashion show was good but it was awkward not being able to walk round to look at the clothes & fair trade stalls. I did have a conversation though with someone whose 2 eldest children went to school we looked round on Monday & had done very well.
Anyway when I got home P said that he had been asked to do the intercessory prayers at church on Sunday but he couldn't so he'd said I might do them. Now I'm just not the sort of person who does that sort of thing, I'm a sit at the back hope nobody notices me sort of person. Public speaking just doesn't do it for me. It reduces me to a quivering wreck. I rather vociferously pointed all this out to P. Then I realised something, I couldn't do it anyway as I wouldn't be able to stand up that long. Feeling rather relieved I left a message for the prayer organiser telling him this. Then he phoned me back & said he'd had a brilliant idea: I could sit in my seat & use the portable microphone! In fact he was very pleased with himself at having thought of this, so pleased that I couldn't bring myself to say I didn't want to do it anyway.
What I then decided was that I would trust God to give me the strength to do it & I spent several hours writing on bits of paper then screwing them up & saying 'I can't say that!' During the hymn before the prayers this morning I was literally shaking with fear but then I did it! I said the prayers in front of the whole congregation & it was ok. Several people said afterwards that they were lovely prayers. It just really feels like a huge victory for me. Perhaps I might even do it again sometime...

Yesterday we went to look round comprehensive which is our designated 'local' school & we all liked it. In fact J liked it a lot. It specialises in Maths & science, if you're good at science you can fast-track & do extra science subjects. It has very good labs & computing facilities. There are after-school science, engineering & technology clubs. It doesn't go over the top in sport. It has a friendly & caring feel about it & J likes the canteen. What more could you ask for? Well, quite a lot actually but what we're wondering is should we ditch the whole grammar school idea & just go for that one (although we do also have to apply for some other schools just in case he doesn't get in & I think we should still seriously consider technology college). I think we'd better wait until we've looked round grammar schools before we decide but part of me is hoping he hates them. The only problem is the journey isn't a very easy one but apparently we would get financial help with it as it's our 'designated' school.
We shall see.

Life has been hectic of late. On Saturday we went to model aeroplane show in Kent where a) it was very hot & b) it became obvious that one of us is very much more into model planes than the other two. In the evening I went to the quiz. Going to quizzes with Becky is usually fun but can also be a bit challenging because she is very, very good & I am very, very not good. I once went to one at the school where we ended up on a table with some highly competitive people & we won with me having contributed answers to precisely two questions. I took my prize feeling totally undeserving of it. Anyway on Saturday our team won, thanks largely to Becky but I did answer a respectable number of questions (here's my star answer: What type of meat is in Glamorgan sausages? Answer to follow.) It was actually a very good evening, I knew the other women on the table who had all brought their teenage sons to make up numbers plus Becky's son's girfriend. I think the key thing with quizzes is to have a quizmaster your age. The music & films he asks about will then be from your era.
Talking of age what happened on Sunday afternoon was just total embarrassment. J's friend Adam had his (rather belated) birthday party at local swimming pool. This was all going swimmingly (if you pardon pun). Children bounced about on floaty things in pool with the few parents who stayed watching them through glass & only a few incidences of minor assault in form of whacking over the head with floats. Then they sat down to tea & all was still going well. Then somebody asked J's other friend Tim when his birthday was. Now to understand what happened next you need to know two things: a) I had J when I was getting on a bit so consequently I am older than most other parents with children same age, in fact I am coming up to a birthday so shockingly significant it makes me shudder b) Tim & I share the same birthday. Now J takes great delight in fact (b) & proceeded to tell everyone about it. What he next proceeded to tell them was the precise age difference between Tim & me. At this moment the boys who might reasonably be expected to be making lots of noise all had mysteriously fallen quiet, so everybody heard what J had said. There followed a silence in which it was painfully obvious that people were doing sums in their heads. This was followed by another silence in which it was even more painfully obvious that they had done the sums in their heads. I couldn't help thinking that there must have been some witty remark I could have made to show I really wasn't at all embarrassed but I couldn't think of one.
Aaaagh!!

We managed to find restaurant I was thinking of! I had vague idea of area it was in & P said we could drive though there on way to another possible restaurant & suddenly we drove past it & I recognised name. It was actually a combined Thai & Indian & very nice, we had a platter of Thai starters & then some yummy duck dish with name I can't remember, chicken malay, a tofu & vegetable dish & pineapple rice. All very nice. Then went down to reservoir for a while for 'walk' in the sunshine & then picked up J from French club.
P off today & we went into town to get various odds & ends. Phoned Paula, our minister's wife when got home about something & ended up talking for ages about senior school application. They went through really hard time when applying for place for their daughter last year but she ended up in school she was happy with. When I went to pick up J Louise's husband said they went to meeting about comprehensive we're outside admission area for & they seemed quite keen to get kids from J's school. Should we leave one of grammars off & put that school on instead? Should we? I don't know.
J at Tim's house tonight (after they both did homework) so catching up on some scanning. (Looks like I accidentally clicked on box on screen to stop window showing but sorted out now). Has been nice & sunny again this evening.
Weekend looking a bit full - P wants to go to model aeroplane show in Kent on Sat, Becky might want me to make up quiz team Sat evening & Adam's party Sun afternoon as well as church in the morning. In between that J has got to do some work. I think problem with his Maths is he has been taught stuff at school but it's not reinforced & he forgets it. He's just going to have to have a lot of reinforcement over next few weeks.
P almost finished bathroom cabinet, sawdust everywhere!
Mustn't stay on computer too long as suffering from a bit of eyestrain.

Woke up feeling low but determined to get a grip. Was supposed to be going to church house group but it was cancelled at last minute which was a shame but at least saved me having to rush around getting ready.
Apparently there is a competition to find the most untidy house in Britain & I think we really stand a good chance of winning. It's such a tip! And I haven't got the strength to tidy up. And I haven't got anyone to help.
Feeling a bit frustrated as I have been doing some scanning of aerial photos for P's work (they're paying me for it!) but I can't get scanner to work properly this morning & P in a meeting.
Phoned Emily from church who's got daughter in year 5 & advised her to go to school open evenings this year rather than leaving it all until last minute like we've done (but no-one told us). Talked for quite a long time which was nice. For the rest of today I'm not going to worry about senior school situation.
Anyway three positive things to be really thankful for:
1) Last term nearly every Tuesday J was feeling ill, largely I felt due to being tired after cubs the night before. Yesterday he had basketball after school & then had cubs in the evening & this morning he was fine!
2) Tomorrow we're going out for lunch. There's a restaurant I would really like to go to but I can't remember what it's called or where it is which is a slight problem. It's a new upmarket Chinese out in the country that's all I know. Anyway we'll find somewhere nice to go.
3) Yesterday was nice & sunny in the afternoon & I was able to sit out in the deckchair in the sun. It might even brighten up a bit later today.
In fact I've got lots & lots of things to be thankful for.

Sunday morning as we were getting ready Louise phoned up & asked if we could give Adam a lift to parade service. 'What parade service??' I thought. J promptly got into a bad mood again as parade in Anglican church & he doesn't like the incense but I bribed him with a promise of going to the village shop for treats afterwards & quickly started 'hunt the woggle'. We dropped boys off & Louise's husband said he'd pick them up & drop J off at our church afterwards.
I felt lonely in church as J & Adam not there & people who normally sit in front of me not there either. Both seats remained empty until some people came in late & sat in seat in front. I was feeling a bit stressed out by J & senior school business & not very well. Real battle to worship God & not wallow in misery & self-pity. Sometimes I feel a bit lonely & isolated by my illness at church. The trouble is I can't join in with all the coffee making, Sunday school teaching, toddler group helping, event organising etc that the other mums are involved in, which leaves me a bit out of it. Things didn't get better yesterday when my knee suddenly got really painful & I could hardly stand on it. And the noise in the hall at coffee time seemed really loud & made me feel ill & I was just sitting there on my own . I ended up feeling really low & weepy.
What I felt God was saying to me this morning was Psalm 55:22: 'Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you'. He cares, he really does.

Saturday & Sunday were sunny! I'd forgotten what it was like to sit out in the sun. We went swimming again on Sat which started off really nice but turned a bit violent. I don't know who really did do what, there were a lot of allegations flying around but definitely J's foot made contact with Adam's mouth causing him quite a lot of pain, although J says it was accidental. And in front of several witnesses Adam splashed J excessively in the face so he backed away & bumped his head on the side of the pool & got out in a bit of a huff. There then followed quite an argument over swapping their sweets, A was demanding three fangtastics for a little bit of candyfloss which seemed a bit excessive to me but J had never had candyfloss before so gave in.
For the rest of the day J was in a foul mood. I was trying to get him to do some exam work & he was being just plain uncooperative. Part of the problem is he's feeling tired & overworked understandably but also he's decided he doesn't want to go to senior school at all. He will almost certainly have to be separated from his friends, he'll have to get up earlier to travel further in order to get to a school where he'll have to work harder & might not make any new friends. What he's thinking is 'What's in it for me?' & I can see his point. This morning he asked if I could home- school him but I don't think I can manage it & anyway it would be all day shouting at him to get off the computer & do some work.
Anyway it's all getting seriously stressful. Added to this when I phoned up the council they told me that although we're outside the admission area for our nearest school the next nearest one doesn't actually have an admission area they go on the distance you live from the school and we must be one of the furthest ones away. So if that one is oversubscribed & J doesn't get into a selective school he could end up in one of the undersubscribed (for undersubscribed read 'sink') schools miles away.
I've just about given up hope of him getting into local grammar & I'm not sure he'd cope with all the work if he did. We're pinning our hopes on technology college but he'll still have to work hard to get through entrance test. When we were at the 'meet the new teachers' meeting the other day his teacher said he'd be better off at grammar long way away than local one & not to worry about the travelling, he'd get used to it. At this point his teacher from last year came past & said she totally disagreed & it wasn't fair to make children travel that distance. When we mentioned the technology college his teacher said to be careful about applying there as exam is really hard & some children who get into local grammar don't get into there.
Anyway from next Monday we start looking round schools so might get a clearer idea.

If you have a child at primary school & they say they want to do an exam to try & get into a selective school don't let them. Instead take your family & spend the night in the nearest snake pit. This will give you all a lot more pleasure.

I keep saying to myself that having a slug crawl up your leg is a once-in-a-lifetime experience & I don't need to keep surveying my immediate environment for slugs & I don't need to constantly check my socks for wildlife & I don't need to turn my clothes inside out before I put them on just in case...
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling really rough, I stayed in bed as long as I could which is always a bad move. I lay there thinking 'I should have turned up his new trousers, has he got clean socks? I should have ironed his shirt, I should have filled in all those forms to be sent into school, I wonder where his reading book is, his nails need cutting...' All this paled into insignificance when I COULDN'T FIND HIS LUNCHBOX. The reason I couldn't find it was because he hadn't brought it home from school. Anyway I got him to school with an unironed shirt & long flappy trousers & chopped his nails as we went out of the door & the forms would have to do today but I forgot them today anyway.
Sometimes the effort involved just to get through the simple everyday things of life is so HUGE it's overwhelming. What does it feel like to be normal & healthy & do these things?
I got home from school & managed to put the washing on & sat there feeling exhausted. I opened my Bible & it opened at the bit from Isaiah on the right 'those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength' which was definitely encouraging.

So far J has been enjoying his new class which is a relief. He is getting lots of homework though which isn't very easy on top of the exam work. I think it's going to be an interesting year as the teacher he has on Fridays is a real character. He does taxidermy as a hobby & on Friday he brought in a stuffed bat for them to see. They all wanted to take it home (although 2 of the girls said if they did they'd give it a decent burial) & he let one of the boys have it as it was his birthday. I'm just so glad it wasn't J's birthday. Apparently he's also got a stuffed snail. How on earth do you do taxidermy on a snail? If he wants to have a go at a slug I could suggest a good candidate ie the one who crawled up my leg this morning. Yuk, yuk, yuk!

Phew! Have managed to get into my blog again. For the last couple of days I couldn't but I've just reset my password & I'm in again, don't know what went wrong.
Something really yukky happened this morning. I scooted up to the caravan & suddenly felt something wet above my ankle. I shook my trouser leg & a slug fell out!! It must have fallen onto my shoe & crawled up my leg. Seriously yuk!!
Have just got back from church lunch which was preceded by special service for kids who'd been to holiday club in the summer. Very lively! J's friend Adam came & so did his mum Louise which was nice. I'm not sure she really liked all the action songs & didn't join in & neither did the boys (J said they were 'stupid songs') but they did some of the craft activities in the hall afterwards & I think Louise enjoyed the lunch. We were sitting next to someone with really cute baby who has Down's syndrome. We kept taking it in turns to hold her, she's so soft & cuddly. She fell asleep on my lap which felt really nice. When we were in church I told J off & woman in front jumped - it turned out her son has same unusual name as J & she thought I was talking to him!
Have just spoken to both my brother & Dad on phone, neither of them are flooded as like us they live quite high up. I feel so sorry for all those people who have been flooded it must be awful.
P is busy making bathroom cabinet. It's getting closer & closer to the day I'll have a bathroom.
Quite preoccupied with senior school application at the moment. Firstly J is going to try for some of the selective schools & is having to prepare for the exams. This is a bit of a concern as we got a bit behind when he kept being so unwell. Also, although he gets most of the answers right on the practice papers he is way too slow & when he tried a timed test paper yesterday he only answered half the questions. We really need to work on exam technique. He has to do two exams for the one which is for the grammar schools he does 3 50 minute papers - English, Maths & verbal reasoning. For the other exam which is for the technical college he does Maths & non-verbal reasoning. It's all very hard & even if he did get through I'm not sure which would actually be the best school for him & whether the grammar schools would be too much pressure & if he gets into the second choice grammar it's 15 miles away.
We have a maximum of four schools to put on the application form & as we will probably apply to 3 selective schools we need to put down one comprehensive. There are 3 comprehensives we could apply to, the problem is that the one for which we are in the 'priority application area' (which means he's almost guaranteed a place) I'd have to drive him to but he could get a bus to the others. But I could ask to be considered as a special case due to my disability if I could get a doctor's note to say it would be much easier for me if he could get the bus. However I would have to do that now with the application so we have to make a decision pretty soon. In a few weeks time we will be looking round the schools & hopefully it'll become a bit clearer. If we really like some schools & hate others it would be much simpler.
Anyway it's all a bit complicated but I'm really trying not to worry about it & place it in God's hands & trust him that J will end up at the school that's right for him.

I am just so tired! Busy few days getting stuff ready for school, taking J to doctor to get mole checked (is ok), fitting in last swimming session & getting J to do Holiday Book. Ended up staying up late Monday night sticking in pages which was crazy, crazy thing to do. Then he came home yesterday & said it didn't have to be in until next Weds!
J went off to school happily enough yesterday in the pouring rain. I thought he might wake up & say he felt ill but he didn't. After I'd got home I spent the day in bed, feeling awful - headache, backache, feet aching.
He did an hour and a half of homework in the evening - drawing & colouring scenes from History. His art work really seems to be coming on. I wanted him to do spellings as well last night but he begged me to let him do them this morning. I woke up this morning feeling only partially alive & the next thing I knew J was flapping his spelling book in my face saying 'Test me!'
P took his Dad to hospital this morning because of a lump on his elbow, they think it's nothing serious but has to come off. Becky picked up me & Mavis & took us to coffee morning. Was very tempted by biscuits but next to plate was newspaper with headline 'Cancer Fears Over Cholesterol Drug'. Came home & had some vegetable juice!
Tonight is first Wednesday evening service at church. We were having evening service every other Sunday but attendance had been getting very poor so going to try service first Wednesday in the month. Mavis is very negative about it because 'It's just not the same as a Sunday' but we'll see. I still don't feel very well & would really rather be at home but I think I'd better go.

P & J have so far spent an hour and a half trying to put up the tent. Meanwhile I've been watching last night's 'The Tudors' on iplayer. (I cried when Thomas More got executed). We missed it because we decided to take the 'scenic' route back from Ely. I don't know if they have something against signposts in the fens but there seemed to be a marked shortage of them, we would come to a T junction & there would be no indication at all of which way to go so we kept getting lost. It took 3 hours to get home as opposed to an hour and a half getting there so we were all tired. I'm still really tired today but I managed to do a load of washing seeing as it's such a nice sunny day.
We had a really good time in Ely. It is a fascinating place. We arrived about 11.30 & had a drink in the cathedral coffee shop then went to friend's house & then all went to really interesting old restaurant in some sort of crypt. I had asparagus & stilton quiche & chips & salad which was really yummy. It was nice to see friend & her grandson again & J behaved very well during lunch. He had cod & chips which was the only thing on the menu he would eat. It would have been a bit embarrassing if there was nothing on the menu he would eat.
Afterwards we went round the shops, there was a really interesting toy shop cum model shop cum bike shop cum craft shop which managed to have something of interest for us all. Then we went to Christian bookshop which had a good selection. Lady in there was very chatty, her sons had been at Faith Camp. I bought three books ( two form bargain section) & J got a game called 'Mission'. P has been playing it with him today, he lost.
Then we went to the museum which J found really interesting. It's in the old gaol & there's some reconstructed cells upstairs. They had a stairlift that you sit on & a wheelchair at the top so somebody doesn't have to carry your wheelchair up. The only thing was the stairs are pretty steep & going down was a bit scary. I suppose I shouldn't have looked down but I was thinking 'Do these things ever come off their rails?' I suppose they can't really.
After that we found there wasn't time for P & J to go up the cathedral towers (what a shame, I was deprived of chance to spend a couple of hours sitting waiting for them). Instead we went to evensong which we all enjoyed, even J! The choir were all girls & they were really good. I could have sat & listened for hours.
Then we went for a walk down to the river, there were some horses in a field which looked quite striking against background of cathedral & some really cute ducklings in park just by river. On the way back we discovered I'd got a flat wheelchair tyre but we were nearly at the car by then.
All in all it was a really good day but we'll have to go back some time so they can go up towers.
I'd better go & find out how tent is doing.

There was something so disgusting on our doorstep this morning: someone had trod on a snail & squashed it & there was one of those great big juicy black slugs eating it! Bet you're really glad I told you that.
Haven't slept properly for two nights so a bit zonked. I think the problem last night was I ate some dark chocolate in the evening & it tends to keep me awake. Why, why, why did I do it?
Becky took J to the 'Maize maze' yesterday afternoon. This is a maze in a field of maze in which is run by owner of craft centre & was designed by P & laid out with J's help. P has been doing this for some years & I've never been round it. But the ground is muddy at the moment & it would have been hard work lugging the wheelchair round. Anyway it's not really the same. I'm going to wait until I can walk round. Or run round. Or skip round. Or dance round. She took a picture of J & Tim at Exit looking just like a pair of nightclub bouncers! When did they stop being cute little boys?
Last night started getting photos together for J's 'holiday book', this is for a competition at school for which they keep a record of their summer holiday. Even if he doesn't win a prize it's a nice thing to keep & we've got some good photos this year. Several seem to be of J eating, for some reason.
Had a nice game of Junior Scrabble with J yesterday & afterwards he played game where we put tiles in pairs to make 'pizza boxes' & saw who could stack them highest.
Tomorrow going to Ely for day out & also to visit someone we know who lives there.
J just said he's going to tidy his room!!
Our neighbour just knocked at door & gave me great big bag of runner beans he's grown!

Camp went well

J tired today but not admitting it. He was playing on his game boy with the air of a starving person suddenly being given a full English breakfast. He had been almost four days without it.

Akela phoned last night and said J got on really well at camp unlike last year when he got a bit homesick and miserable and didn't feel well. He'd also managed to find J's missing fork and teeshirt.

P went to Waitrose after work, cooked dinner and then did a little bit more on bathroom. It's so exciting the thought of having a proper bathroom again.

Have been discussing floors for main part of house. Have got pine down but it has cracked a bit and needs sanding and various treatments. Thinking of putting something called 'marmoleum' on top which looks a bit like lino but a lot more trendy and is made from natural materials. You can arrange it into amazing patterns apparently. We'll see.

Don't want to write a lot, been on computer too much, tired.

I told you it was 14.30

Today's Bank Holiday Monday so P was off and I suggested we have a tidying session because I think the house is the untidiest it's ever been since we lived here. When I say 'untidy' I don't mean an obsessionally house-proud perfectionist's version of untidy ie one or two things out of place I mean UNTIDY!!!

 It doesn't help that the kitchen has been doubling as a carpenter's workshop which I know is something of a necessity but it's got to the point I can't ask anyone round. Anyway P did really well and cleared the whole kitchen floor and hoovered up the sawdust. I had a go at sorting out the paperwork. Our paperwork seems to be permanently out of control, I feel this is partly due to P's mail-sorting system: whatever it is it gets left on the nearest surface. 

I'm in the process of instituting a new filing system, well ok it's just the latest in a long line of 'new filing systems' but this one might work!

We gathered up all the waste paper and cardboard to take to the tip on the way to pick up J from camp. I was saying to P to hurry as we had to pick him up at 14.30. He said no it was 15.00. I said I was sure it was 14.30. He said it was definitely 15.00 because Akela had told him so.

There was a great long queue at the tip but P said it was ok we had plenty of time. We got to the camp at 14.40 and P said he'd just pop into the shop at the entrance to buy a drink as we had plenty of time. He went inside and the next thing was I saw J's face passing by in a car driven by Tim's Dad. Apparently P had made a sort of loose arrangement with him that he could bring J back if we didn't turn up. I beeped like mad and J was looking straight at me and I thought they'd stop but they didn't so we had to race after them. We took different routes and obviously theirs was the quickest because we got home just as they were turning round to come back out of our drive. Then Tim asked if J could go back to his house to play so I only saw him for a couple of minutes and then he was gone again. He seemed to have had a good time, he won an award for something but can't remember what.

The only good thing about our wasted journey was that I timed how long it took from a senior school J might possibly go to and it was only 10 minutes although that was with P driving and not at peak traffic time. It's not bad though.

So close to having a bath

Soon, soon, soon I will be having a lovely luxurious bubble bath in our very own bath! P is really cracking on with bathroom. Have delayed bath installation a bit by wanting a shelf alongside it but I need somewhere to put my mug of tea and bar of chocolate.

Raining this morning but brightened up later.

Went to church, visiting preacher, found it a little bit hard to understand his voice but otherwise quite good. Feeling a bit frustrated with worship at church at moment compared to what we experienced at Faith Camp, don't know what I can do about it really.

Relaxing afternoon, half watching Grand Prix. Went to B and Q with P to get plumbing bit for bath and tiles for bath shelf. Bath now installed with taps. No water coming out of them yet but you can't have everything.
 
Got Chinese takeaway for dinner. Very nice but sugar scattered over crispy seaweed which tasted a bit strange.