Sunday morning as we were getting ready Louise phoned up & asked if we could give Adam a lift to parade service. 'What parade service??' I thought. J promptly got into a bad mood again as parade in Anglican church & he doesn't like the incense but I bribed him with a promise of going to the village shop for treats afterwards & quickly started 'hunt the woggle'. We dropped boys off & Louise's husband said he'd pick them up & drop J off at our church afterwards.
I felt lonely in church as J & Adam not there & people who normally sit in front of me not there either. Both seats remained empty until some people came in late & sat in seat in front. I was feeling a bit stressed out by J & senior school business & not very well. Real battle to worship God & not wallow in misery & self-pity. Sometimes I feel a bit lonely & isolated by my illness at church. The trouble is I can't join in with all the coffee making, Sunday school teaching, toddler group helping, event organising etc that the other mums are involved in, which leaves me a bit out of it. Things didn't get better yesterday when my knee suddenly got really painful & I could hardly stand on it. And the noise in the hall at coffee time seemed really loud & made me feel ill & I was just sitting there on my own . I ended up feeling really low & weepy.
What I felt God was saying to me this morning was Psalm 55:22: 'Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you'. He cares, he really does.