Today I am feeling pleased with myself. The reason for this dates back to Thursday. On Thursday I went out in the evening to a fair trade fashion show at the school which was organised by the three churches in the village involving several people I know so I felt I ought to go. This got off to a difficult start. I had arranged with Becky that if I couldn't park right outside the door I would phone her & she'd push me in the wheelchair. This was fine until I got to school, could only find a space the far side of the car park & realised I hadn't got my phone. What I then did was stop a passing Mum who I didn't actually know & ask her if she knew Becky, which she did, & could she ask her to come out & see me. At this point she looked at me like I was completely, barking, mad but she did as I asked. The fashion show was good but it was awkward not being able to walk round to look at the clothes & fair trade stalls. I did have a conversation though with someone whose 2 eldest children went to school we looked round on Monday & had done very well.
Anyway when I got home P said that he had been asked to do the intercessory prayers at church on Sunday but he couldn't so he'd said I might do them. Now I'm just not the sort of person who does that sort of thing, I'm a sit at the back hope nobody notices me sort of person. Public speaking just doesn't do it for me. It reduces me to a quivering wreck. I rather vociferously pointed all this out to P. Then I realised something, I couldn't do it anyway as I wouldn't be able to stand up that long. Feeling rather relieved I left a message for the prayer organiser telling him this. Then he phoned me back & said he'd had a brilliant idea: I could sit in my seat & use the portable microphone! In fact he was very pleased with himself at having thought of this, so pleased that I couldn't bring myself to say I didn't want to do it anyway.
What I then decided was that I would trust God to give me the strength to do it & I spent several hours writing on bits of paper then screwing them up & saying 'I can't say that!' During the hymn before the prayers this morning I was literally shaking with fear but then I did it! I said the prayers in front of the whole congregation & it was ok. Several people said afterwards that they were lovely prayers. It just really feels like a huge victory for me. Perhaps I might even do it again sometime...