I am feeling bad and I just wish I'd kept my mouth shut.
Today got off to a good start, we all got up in (fairly) good time. J had his hair washed without too many complaints. I found I've lost 6 lb in total so far despite a week in which I ate a lot of cakes, half a packet of jelly babies and a bowl of trifle (at a cookware party). We picked Adam up ok, the boys played fairly quietly, the service was ok except I disagreed with the sermon (it wasn't our usual minister) but then it was about Gethsemane which is quite a complex subject. Then afterwards there was a prayer session about the ladies' breakfast coming up. Only one other person and me turned up and the other three all prayed great long prayers & I prayed just a little short one but I think that's ok because God doesn't mind short prayers. But as we were coming out I was talking to someone and all this stuff about how unhappy I am at the housegroup just started coming out of my mouth. I ended up bursting into tears & our minister came over & joined in the conversation & I started saying all sorts of stuff like no-one ever says they're praying for me & he said he knows some people are praying for me & I said how am I meant to know that if they don't say so & hardly anyone ever asks me how I am so how do they know what to pray for & he said they know I'm ill & God knows what I need which is true but when you have a long term illness it matters so much that you know people are praying for you. I kept talking to our minister for a while & kept crying & I made such a fool of myself & I don't know why on earth I started all this and I came home & just cried a whole load more. There's just all this sort of pain to do with church inside me at the moment & when I try & explain it to people it just all goes wrong.



On a more trivial level P has just planted some runner beans in a container, hope they do better than last year when the slugs ate every one.