Horrible illness

On Tuesday went to memorial service for our former minister. It was a lovely service & it really did feel like a celebration of his life. There were loads of people we hadn't seen for years which was really nice but a bit strange too as some people haven't changed at all & some have changed a lot. What I found quite upsetting was there was a middle aged woman in a wheelchair whom I didn't know but afterwards P told me who she was. Nearly 30 years ago, just after P & I first met, I helped at a children's holiday club at the church & there was this 12 year old girl who seemed incredibly mature for her age & was very lively & energetic & friendly as well. Turns out this woman in the wheelchair is her & she's had ME for 5 years. Just so tragic.
It's really weird as at the funeral another of our previous minister's wives was telling me about her 2 grandchildren who have ME & are really, really ill & it's totally messed up their education & is a huge strain on the whole family. Then on Friday I went out for lunch with some of my new housegroup & met a woman whose husband is housebaound with the same illness. When she told me how her daughter had died of cancer as well it just brought tears to my eyes & she said 'Oh, I'm sorry I've upset you,' & then everyone turned to look at me which was really embarrassing. I just muttered something about how I cry easily & the leader hugged me cos she's nice.
I was pretty exhausted & achey after the funeral so had to have a few days rest.
I hate this horrible, horrible illness. I want to be healed & then in some way help all these other people. I wish I could.

Don't know what to do

I just don't think it's nice, when I happen to say that I'm in a bad mood today for someone in my family to say 'Will we notice the difference?'

I'm not really in a bad mood, just a funny sort of mood, like I don't know what to do with myself & I don't quite know where my future's headed & not every aspect of life is totally making sense at the moment.

At 'other church' tonight there was a talk on trusting God, which is what I need to do, trust Him even when things don't make sense & the way ahead just seems to be fog.

At our normal church things for us just aren't really working out that well at the moment & I can't see a solution, we just seem to have a different viewpoint to a lot of other people. When we go to 'other church' we really enjoy it but J says he doesn't like it, apart from the monthly family housegroup which he enjoyed. He came along to the evening service tonight but sulked. Going to 2 churches is exhausting (I currently belong to 3 housegroups) but it's what we're going to have to do for a while.

J not wanting to go to church just hasn't happened before & it's really tough that he doesn't like this new church but at his age it might happen anyway wherever we go. He also said tonight he doesn't want to go to Faith Camp which he's loved for the last 3 years.

I just have to trust God that whatever His will for us is, He will work things out.

Today

Good thing about today: filled in & submitted my online self assessment tax return which I've been putting off for 11 months. Yay!!!

Bad thing about today: J had £6 stolen. Have told him to put his jacket in locker during PE, he said he'd lost his padlock, P said 'Why didn't you tell us you'd lost it?', J said 'I forgot.' P accidentally caught J with door handle, J said he did it on purpose & threw his jacket at him, I told him off, he threw his school bag on floor & grabbed a chocolate cookie from tin without asking & stomped off... Happy Days!

Curious thing about today: had emails from both HSBC & LLoyds saying there were problems with our internet accounts & we need to send them updates of our details. Interesting thing is we don't have internet accounts with HSBC or Lloyds.

Really good thing about today: Waitrose had a Thai supper for two with spring rolls reduced which I'm just about to eat. J has calmed down & is enjoying his breaded cod.

Hair cut

Before Christmas I had a hair cut that was a disaster. It looked really messy & turned under on one side & flicked up on the other. This morning I was passing a hairdresser that's bit more expensive (actually twice as expensive) as my usual one. I decided on a whim to go in & see if they could sort it out. The hairdresser said she had to cut quite a lot off to put it right, which turned out to be about 3 inches. It's shorter than I like really, I'm not totally sure that it suits me & P will probably hate it but the strange thing is now my hair swings. It's actually got movement which it's never had before. Perhaps a more expensive cut is worth it.
Physical appearance has been a bit of an issue recently as last Thursday our church put on a 'Colour Me Beautiful' ladies night. This is where they tell you which colours suit you & what style of clothes to wear. Years ago I want to something similar & was told I should wear warm colours. On Thursday there were a lot of us there & the speaker went round us all really quickly & said I was a 'Cool'. Apparently as we get older our skin tones can change. So now I'm really confused, feel all my clothes are the wrong colour & don't know what to wear any more. Help!

The Knife Hold: A Play in Three Acts; Act 1

Scene: kitchen on Monday evening.

Dad, going out of door to Co-op:
'J can you do the potatoes please.'
J: No!
Mum: how about I wash them and you chop them up?
J: OK

Short while later:

J: This is the special safe knife hold they showed us as at school. If you do it like this you can't cut yourself...Aaaagh!

J's thumb turns bright red.

J: I feel faint.
Mum: Put your head between your legs.

CRASH!!!

Act 2

J lying on floor, Mum leafing through first aid manual.

Mum: F for fainting...lie casualty on floor, raise their ankles... do not tell them to put their head between their knees as they could fall over.

J's colour gradually changes from white to pink.
Dad enters and bandages thumb. Flap of skin half hanging off but cut not deep. Blood still seeps through and drips onto shirt, floor, desk, computer keyboard...

Act 3

Tuesday morning while getting ready for school:

J: Mu..u..u..m
Mum: Yes?
J: I don't think I did that knife-hold quite right.