Physio and tears

The knee has been really troublesome over the last few days, so much so that I didn't make it to church yesterday. There has been a lot of leg elevating, ice packs, painkillers and a bit of a feeling of discouragement. Today was my physio appointment and I woke up feeling like I wasn't sure I could handle today - physically and emotionally I just wasn't in a good place but sometimes however you're feeling you just have to get on with it and P pushed me to the bathroom and left me there while he took J to school. I was just about washed and dressed when he got home an hour later and we set off for physio.

There was a disabled place available in hospital - yippee - unlike last time when spent half an hour cruising around before finding space up the road. I have a new physio because they do this thing where they rotate between different clinics, I'll call him Harry. Told him about all that's been happening although don't think we managed to convince him how much worse it's been feeling or how un-normal my muscles normally are. He said just because a movement causes pain doesn't necessarily mean it's causing damage which is reassuring isn't it? 'Nope' I thought. Anyway he did some gentle knee bending and massaged the place where my quads are meant to be. He said he could feel that there's movement in the knee joint so that's good and I need to do some bending every day even if it's only a bit and keep taking the painkillers. 

My leg brace is heavy, klunky and uncomfortable partly, I think, because the designer didn't allow for the possibility of the wearer having bony ankles. The consultant said I can start taking it off which I do when I'm at home but the pain in my knee is noticeably worse and I can't manage to make any attempt at walking without the brace. I came across a blog called 'My Broken Knee Story'  (cari-brokenknee.blogspot.com) and the author faced the same issue. She found a brace which fitted just over her knee which had adjustable hinges so the knee can be kept straight or allowed to bend as much as you want. The physio said it was ok to try it 'if it made me feel more secure' (does he mean physically or emotionally?). Anyway I've ordered one and just hope it will help. It seems a big jump to go from a great big leg brace to nothing. It's not all that cheap though.

The physio department is next to the 'stroke rehabilitation unit' and as we passed the sign it hit me that Mary didn't manage to rehabilitate from hers and I wasn't ever going to see her again. We stopped outside a computer repair shop and P took in one of the school (as in the one where he's governor) computers and I sat in the car and sobbed. Grief is a strange thing - it catches you unawares but one thing I've learnt in life is that if you need to cry it's better just to cry.