It is sooo cold today. Not feeling all that well, eyes a bit painful again & a bit shivery & got a bit of a cough. Perhaps it's old age causing my body to generally disintegrate.
J & I ventured through the hailstorms into town as we wanted to get his hair cut but there was such a long wait at Supercuts we decided to leave it. Went into Wilkinsons instead to get stuff for shoeboxes. These are the shoeboxes you fill with toys & sweets etc & they go to children who won't get any other Christmas presents. We are doing one for church & one for school. Ended up with 2 big bags of stuff & J was actually very helpful, packing shopping into bags for me. I love imagining the children's faces when they open their boxes, what I hate is wrapping the box in Christmas paper, wrapping just isn't one of my skills. My Christmas presents always look like the paper's third hand.
J & I also made a candle together which was really fun & not bad for a first attempt. Perhaps we'll light it when we have dinner. Perhaps I should warn the fire brigade now.
P & J had really good time yesterday, went to RAF & Docklands museums.
We're planning to have a day out tomorrow, all 3 of us. Don't know where we'll go yet. Hope it's warmer. Hope I feel better.

Some other updates:

• A woodpecker has been causing serious damage to our house! Seriously! Our house is constructed of what are called 'sip panels' which are like two wooden boards with foam in between. Anyway it's managed to peck through the outer board & tunnel quite some way through the foam. P has had to go up on a ladder to patch it up. Becky says what do we expect building a wooden house in a wood but what I expect is for the woodpeckers to peck the trees like they're meant to.
• P has just phoned from London & said there's snow!
• Senior schools we have applied to are: 1) Far away grammar 2) Technology college 3) Other far away grammar 4) Local comprehensive
• If you remember quiz question about what sort of meat is in Glamorgan sausages the answer is none, they're vegetarian.
• P & J never did manage to get tent up.
• I'm quite encouraged by how my filing system is going. Once I've got the paperwork a bit sorted I might even go on to try & organise P's tools a bit. Not a job for the fainthearted!!
• We've got a working dishwasher! The dishwasher is one of the best inventions ever!
  
  

It's seriously cold here! Took P & J to station this morning as they're going to RAF museum in Hendon for the day. Then went on to coffee morning which was ok although I really felt like staying snuggled up & warm at home. Now I'm sitting here doing some scanning & enjoying a bit of peace.
Over the last few days I have:

• Been feeling better.
• Been to church on Sunday where they handed out musical instruments to the children blissfully ignorant of the fact that a pair of cymbals in the hands of a 10 year old is a lethal weapon. It was also last Sunday at church for people who usually sit in front of me as they're moving away which is really sad. I'm wondering about branching out a bit & sometimes sitting somewhere different. I do like to sit next to wall though so I can lean against it.
• Been getting J to do some more exam papers but I'm getting seriously concerned about how hard he's finding it to fill in multiple choice answer sheet. He says it produces same feelings in his head as when he sits down in front of blank sheet of paper.
• Have phoned up psychologist to make an appointment for J even though I don't know where we'll get money from. I'm seriously wondering about selling some of our possessions on e-bay. Anyway I'm waiting for her to phone me back.
• Had J's friend Tim round to play all day Monday & it was really nice to have a toilet in the house for him to use. He was the first visitor to have the honour. J & I went in & watched him flush it as it was such a special occasion.
• Have come to the conclusion that having a door on our bathroom would be a good idea.
• Made some microwave popcorn for Tim & J. Had nearly got to end of making it when there was a loud bang & glass turntable shattered. Why? Why, why, why did this happen? I was following instructions exactly & I've done it several times before. So why?
  
• Have put back on weight that I lost a couple of weeks ago. I had been looking forward to getting into my jeans again & now ...
  

Had a bit of a rough day yesterday, I felt so tired all day & had some episodes of heart beating fast again. Fell asleep after lunch & when I woke up I just didn't feel I had strength to go & get J. Phoned Becky & she picked him up for me & took him home & fed him & kept him until P picked him up at 7.30. What a life-saver!
Feel a bit better today, just sleepy, I think maybe it's the anti-dizziness tablets I've been taking. J is off school as it's a non-pupil day . It's now three hours since I asked him to do an exam paper & he's just sat down & started. I can understand him wanting to relax a bit this morning as it's effectively the first day of half term but we do really have to work this half-term though if he's to stand any chance in selective school exams. He's doing English which is his least favourite subject so there's a lot of groaning going on.
Another reason I was probably tired yesterday was having gone to Open Evening the night before. You're allowed to bring children with you & they play in the hall with a (brave!) teacher supervising them. There were a group playing an organised game just inside the door & they had to be told to stop to let me through in the wheelchair, then we had to cross the long strip of paper they were drawing on & left some tread marks. 'Wouldn't it be nice just to slip in unnoticed!' I said to P.
There was a long wait to see the teacher during which J attempted to cover whole strip of drawing paper with stick men & I wished other parents were able to just have a normal conversation rather than assuming expressions that seem to say 'that's J's mum who's in a wheelchair & I don't know what to say to her' & looking the other way. I also wished I had the sort of sparkling out-going personality which would overcome their reticence. But I haven't.
(J has just said that he can't do his test as he doesn't know enough & I've got a horrible feeling he's right.)
J could have come in to see teacher with us but he said he'd rather draw stick men ( & he probably saw expression of boy who came out before him who was commanded to come in with his Dad). Anyway his teacher said J's a pleasure to have in the class which is nice, although he's a bit quiet, apart from in science lessons. He showed us all these statistics & spider charts he'd produced as a result of tests J had done. I just wonder how accurate all these spider charts are, though. As a result of one question in one test he says J has to work at problem solving but for all we know he could do another fifty problem solving questions & get them right & for all we know one of the areas he's been scored 100% on could have been just a guess.
(J is currently moaning with almost physical pain, I keep wondering if I'd doing the right thing getting him to do these exams, but we've had loads of conversations about it & he says he wants to & he liked one of grammar schools a lot).
So we came home from open evening with a whole pack of paperwork showing us which areas to work on with J, but really we knew he needed to work on those areas anyway. What is a bit worrying is that in his science test where a few lines of writing were required he just didn't answer as he 'knew the answer but didn't know how to get it out of his brain'. Just have to keep saving up for psychologist's fee.

It's a lovely day & the sun is streaming in through our dining room window & also heating up the solar panels which is nice, we're waiting to see at what point during the winter we're going to have to resort to the immersion heater. Normally go to church house group on a Tuesday but am staying at home & resting as still don't feel very well. A friend just phoned me as she'd read my blog & seen that I was ill which was really nice of her. Thank you, if you're reading this.
Just tried to get into schools admissions website to finalise the order of our preferences & I can't get in - it seems to have crashed. Apparently this happened last year, presumably because of all the last minute applications. Hope it gets sorted out, would be worse if I hadn't applied at all though.
Going to come off & have some lunch & rest.
(Parent's evening tomorrow night!!)

Have been really, really ill. On Saturday heart beating like mad, felt a bit faint all morning, lay down & had a sleep then got up & had lunch. Immediately afterwards felt really faint & lay down, still felt very faint, heart going crazy then started shivering. P phoned emergency doctor who said I could come to the hospital in an hour and a half when they had a free slot but if I got chest pains or shortness of breath to call an ambulance. So I just lay there waiting to see if I got any chest pains & worrying every time I felt the slightest twinge & wondering if I was short of breath or not. Just to help J came in & jumped on my chest.
Anyway I've had an ECG & it's normal & they think it's all due to a viral infection (which probably caused the pain in my eyes as well) & I've also got 'postural hypotension' which is when you sit or stand up & your blood pressure drops a lot. People with ME tend to get it. Anyway I've just got to rest & I do feel a bit better today. It's a relief to know it's nothing really serious, I just don't fancy a heart problem on top of everything else.

I can't ramble much today but here's a quick update:
My Dad's developed angina again, he had a bypass in 1989 so it's a bit of a cause for concern.
My brother's in-laws (whom we know quite well) are both having major heart ops on same day - Oct 26.
Have decided on four schools - two far away grammars, technology college & local comprehensive.
We now feel almost certain J has a form of dyslexia, saving up for private psychologist's appointment, senior schools all seem positive about him using keyboard in class but being allowed to use it for exams might be more of problem.
I have coloured my hair, it is now really quite dark.
J has started piano lessons, a bit late really but he is showing a surprising degree of aptitude for it.
I have really not been very well lately, have had bad back then very sore eyes & also have felt faint when I stand up sometimes. I've also felt my heart beating quite fast at times. Over the last couple of days I've felt really terrible, yesterday I actually thought I was going to die. When I went to doctor this morning he said I've got tachycardia (ie my heart is racing) & I've also got a tremor in my hands. He said it could be due to a virus or possibly an overactive thyroid, we'll have to wait for blood test results.
Anyway some good news: first J won a prize for his summer holiday book .....and second, really, really good news as far as I'm concerned, in fact really amazingly wonderful, can't believe it's finally happened news:

I HAVE HAD A BATH IN OUR BATHROOM!!!!!

No I haven't dsappeared off the face of the earth but I've had a bad back which is now a lot better & now I've got a problem with very sore eyes & I went to the doctor this morning & I'm not sure she gave me the right medication which is another problem. Anyway I think I'd better rest my eyes. Will try & write something soon. Got some bits of not very good news & one bit of good news.

Yesterday J's class went to a Chinese Puppet Show & had to be at school at 8.20. I won't go through the trials that resulted in us getting to school at 8.21 but he was in time for the coach. On the way he said he didn't want to go to the puppet show & I asked him why not. He replied 'Because we'll have to write about it afterwards' & that made me feel really upset. He is so anxious about writing that it spoils what should be a good day out.
However when I picked him up he was really excited. 3 good things had happened:
He'd gone onto new text book in French club.
Puppet show was brilliant (one even breathed fire!)
He'd been allowed to write about puppet show on computer & it was much better.
In the evening he wrote a story on the laptop rather than by hand & it was so much easier than usual. Do I dare hope that this could be the start of school finally starting to come together for J?
In the evening I went to evening service at church. This was very good but there were only half the number of people that there were last time which was disappointing & I didn't get home until 10 o'clock which is a bit late.
I've got to rush off to school now. Going to another open evening tonight.

In the evening we went to the open evening at the technology college. I managed not to get soaked on the way in but it was quite difficult to see much as there were crowds & crowds of people. We went round the technology rooms which were amazing, J's face was just ecstatic. J looked very bored at the headteacher's talk & was disappointed as we didn't get to the 'sample school dinners' stall in time but we did buy him a cake & he cheered up. We then went into the special needs room & the lady in there was very helpful & said they'd do all they could to support J but we probably should get a psychologist's report as it would enable them to do more for him. We then gave up trying to cope with the crowds & went home. We've got an appointment to go on a tour on Oct 13, we should be able to see more then but what we saw on Tuesday seemed very good. He would need to pass the entrance test though, which is very hard although it is in Maths & Non-verbal reasoning both of which he is very good at. He's a lot better than me at NVR, I think our brains are wired up very differently. If he can't do one of the NVR questions I usually can't help him because I can't understand it.

What I am trying to get through to J is that in the whole decision-making process concerning his senior school education the type of trainers they are allowed to wear for PE simply doesn't feature very highly.
We went round the local grammar school on Monday which simply wasn't a pleasant experience. I had phoned them up & said I would be in a wheelchair & was told that there were some parts of the school I wouldn't be able to see. Anyway between us getting out of the car & arriving at the door there was a torrential downpour & as I hadn't anything to put over my legs they got soaked. I looked as if someone had thrown a bucket of water over me. After battling with a complex security system while waiting in the rain a receptionist appeared, looked at me & said 'Lady in the wheelchair I told you we couldn't accommodate you!' I replied that that wasn't what I'd been told & I'd got no intention of staying out in the rain so we managed to get up the three steps to the side door & while P & J went up 2 flights of stairs for the headmaster's talk in the library I stayed in the corridor. This corridor was very shabby & I got very cold, being just yards from an open door (what's the point of a complex security system at the front door if the side door, leading onto the street, is wide open?) Teachers kept walking past & enquiring in public school accents if I was ok & eventually the deputy head stopped & asked if I wanted to ask him anything about the school, which was nice of him. I did think of asking 'Have you heard of the Disability Discrimination Act?' but thought perhaps not. I asked him about sport & he said 'If your son's good at sport he'll do fine here' & I said that no, actually I was asking because he isn't good at sport. Then I asked if they put the children into sets & he said no because they were all of a high standard. I asked him about special needs & told him about J's writing problem but how he really is intelligent underneath it all & I could see by his expression that intelligent children are two a penny to them. 'He'll have to get through entrance exam first' he said. He didn't say 'Of course we'd do our best to support him.' Then P & J came down with 2 boys to show us round downstairs & J was in a real sulk because he 'didn't like the architecture' & they'd said he couldn't wear black soled trainers (does it matter, for goodness sake!). He had a totally miserable face & would only reply to questions in monosyllables, despite my whispered admonitions.
As we went round we saw an empty hall downstairs & I thought the headmaster could have done his talk down there, just for once. Comprehensive was much nicer to me.
By the end J did concede there are some good points about the school. It is one of the top schools in the country, teaching is undeniably of a very high standard & they get very good results but even if he got in it just wouldn't work for J.
That's one school off the list anyway.