I am just soooo tired today. Had a little sit down when got back from dropping off J this morning. Woke up at 11.45! Have also got a bad back, think I twisted it a bit. Managed to go round to see someone from church to deliver a special sort of mug I'd bought for her then went to get J & that's all I've done.
Went to a healing course on Saturday, it was quite a long drive but we had very good journeys both ways. A lot happened there but I'll tell you about it some other time. Some of the things God does in my life are just amazing. It's just left me exhausted for now but I'll get over it.
J is out at cubs this evening. Louise & I managed to persuade Akela to let him & Adam stay another term as they just didn't feel ready for scouts & some of the others had been in for a term longer than they had before they left. They're both sixers now which they're enjoying.
Anyway I'm going to rest.

At this time of year I feel like just hiding away in a corner somewhere. The reason is that wherever I go everyone seems to be talking about their new exercise regime & the gym they've just joined & they've got this facility & that facility & this new gym is much better that the last one they joined because it's got two jacuzzis & a steam room & you should see their rowing machine. Doesn't it ever occur to anyone that it's just a teensy bit tactless, talking about all that stuff in front of me? One of the really hard things for me about getting middle aged is that I keep reading about how important it is to exercise at this stage of life & I can't do it. I just have to sit here & let my body rot.
I've just come back from the house group, I gave a lift to a new girl who's started coming & she's ever so nice & we had a birthday cake as it was somebody's birthday. I was just struggling this morning. For one thing I'm not at my best at the moment, didn't sleep well the last 2 nights, very tired. We started off with a long chat, firstly the gym conversation & then talking about holidays. Some of the people in our group have a lot of holidays, they're always just back from somewhere exotic &/or just about to go somewhere exotic. The problem is I don't have many holidays, I don't think I am jealous, I just sort of feel out of it & it rubs it in a bit how different their lives are to mine. I just wish we didn't have to talk about holidays every single week. I can't say anything though because I don't want them to have to restrict their conversation & walk on eggshells because of me. So I'll just moan to my blog.
Our discussion about the sermon didn't go very well this morning. We had a visiting preacher & none of us had understood what he said very well. I think perhaps he's just on a higher intellectual plane than we are.

Went out to church meeting last night which was quite good actually. One of the men suggested having bunny girls at the men's breakfast (think he was joking). 'Don't minute that!!' said the minister. I got home quite late & today I was seriously tired. After dropping J off at school I decided to have a little nap. I got up at 13.50! Just managed to make a quick tofu & veg stir fry (I'm having a healthy eating week) & get a couple of letters to post then went to get J. Not a very productive day. P has just said we're having a stir fry for dinner.

Had quite a busy day yesterday. Went into town (where it was really cold). Met up with P & as we were going past the second hand stall on the market I saw this hamster cage for £3. It was in good condition with a wheel & drinking bottle & one of those tube things coming out of the side to crawl in. Anyway it was too good a bargain to miss so we bought it. Of course the logical next step is to get a hamster. Are we doing the right thing? In the pre-J days we had quite a lot of rodent experience. This started when someone at church gave us what they thought were 3 female gerbils. They turned out to be 3 male gerbils & 2 of them started ganging up against the other one so we had to separate them. I then bought a female gerbil to keep the lonely one company. Big mistake! Let's just say we ended up with 43 gerbils.
After that we got a hamster from my Dad cos he didn't like it. It turned out to be a really nice one & we called him Simon. Sadly after a few weeks his skin started falling off. The vet said he had dog mange & we had to shampoo a third of the hamster with dog mange shampoo every other day. But we soon realised Simon had mange because he had a more serious disease & he had to be put down. Then we got another one called Sammy but sadly he too developed a nasty disease & had to be put down as well. That was when J was about a week old. Now here we are 10 years on venturing into the rodent world again. But only one at a time.

Was packing J's school bag at 8.25 this morning & found a note reminding us that Gym Trail starts at 8.45 on January 14. 'I must put that somewhere to remind me' I thought & then suddenly realisation dawned 'It is January 14!!' Mad rush to defrost car & get to school. For some reason my reversing skills had completely gone to pot & there were several detours into the bushes & up the bank on the way up the drive. Still he was only a couple of minutes late in the end.
Yesterday he asked if he could go to a different school. The reason is, he says, the work is too boring & he's done it all before & it's obviously meant for Year -200 rather than Year 6. I asked him if he ever mentioned to his teacher that he found it too easy & he said no. I think we're going to have to go in for another parent-teacher chat.
Have been feeling very low lately but this morning definitely feeling a bit better, despite fog & frost.
Went to coffee morning, quite a lot of people there, went quite well. Felt guilty as I didn't go to house group yesterday as I didn't feel up to it & apparently they were depending on me to lead the discussion. I thought they'd be ok as 2 of the others were in church for the sermon but apparently they didn't take any notes as they saw I was taking them. Oh dear. Perhaps they'll never ask me to lead the discussion again which would be ok as I don't really like doing it. I never know how to handle it when nobody says anything when I ask them a question or even worse when someone brings up a red herring & the discussion goes completely off-track. Some of us just aren't cut out to be discussion group leaders.
J has given up both basketball & French club which is a shame but he was the only Year 6 left in both of them & he suddenly got really self conscious about it. I'm going to brush up my O-level French & work through the rest of his book with him at home. It would be a shame for him to forget what he's learnt. I spoke to his teacher & she said he's done really well & the work he's been doing this term is GSCE level. I hope he doesn't get bored at senior school if he has to go back to the beginning.
Dad went back on Monday. I think he quite enjoyed his time here, just a shame it was so cold. He said he's seen a different doctor who thinks he does have angina. He's put on a lot of weight again which is a bit of a concern. He's never really managed to be careful about what he eats. Talking of which I now weigh a pound less than I did before Christmas, which is pretty good I think. One day I'll get back into my jeans.

We have had a very heavy frost here as well as freezing fog for the last few days. It's very beautiful, the trees especially look lovely with their branches and twigs encased in white crystals but brrr it's cold! My Dad is staying with us and he's used to much more warmth than we currently have (although it's a lot, lot warmer than the caravan. I think we'd have died this winter in the caravan). He's sleeping under a duvet, 2 sleeping bags & a bedspread.
The funeral was on Thursday and it went very well. It was a lovely service in a beautiful old Anglican church. By coincidence they had the hymn 'The King of Love my Shepherd is' which we had at both my Mum's & Dorothy's funerals. My little niece who has Down's syndrome was so sweet as they walked out at the end, she was smiling & waving at everyone.
It was good to see my brother's extended family, although it was a shame it was under such sad circumstances, & put some faces to names we've been hearing about for years. They are all so nice & really include us as part of the family. My nieces had both their remaining grandparents, all their aunts & uncles & all their cousins there at the same time.
It's all very hard for my brother's mother in law who has her own health problems . Two of her daughters are staying with her for a while but she'll have to work out long term what she's going to do. All the family are very caring but they live such a long way away.
My Dad travelled back with us & is staying until Monday. I'm really, really not feeling good at the moment which is making it hard for me to entertain Dad although he seems to be coping ok. He went out shopping by himself this morning & P & J also went out so I just stayed in bed.
The weather's supposed to have got warmer today but it doesn't feel like it. I think I'll just hibernate until April.

Felt sorry for children yesterday - first day back at school & they wake up to snow! What's really sad is that in these health & safety conscious days they're not allowed to go out in it but have to stay in the classroom all day just looking at it through the window. It used to be one of the fun things about childhood, hurling snowballs at your friends & sliding round the playground, well ok my brother broke his arm sliding on the playground but apart from that it was still fun.
J finished project at 8 am yesterday. Would have felt a bit annoyed if school had been closed due to snow.
Becky asked me to pick up Tim & his sister for her. Her estate road was like an ice-rink. I was picking up speed as I went a bit downhill towards the bend & just touched the brake to slow down a bit. Suddenly the car was sliding up onto the pavement, just missed a lamp post & stopped on someone's lawn! As I sat there shaking a bit the children said: 'That was great! Can we do it again?'
Tim came back to play with J in the snow. He had a carrier bag with him which turned out to be his giant snowball! Might have been better if he'd left it outdoors instead of in the kitchen.
He & J had lot of fun playing with sheet of ice that had formed on old tin bath outside.

J currently working on his project which is due in tomorrow, supervised by P. I'm trying very hard not to get involved. What do I know about tanks in World War 2 anyway?

My brother & his children came on Friday as a) they wanted to shop for funeral clothes & b) he felt his mother in law needed a bit of space.

Memorable moments of our shopping experience:

• A really nice lady gave up her table by the entrance to the cafe where we had lunch so I could fit my scooter in easily even though she had several bags of shopping on the seats.
  
• The cafe had low tables. I was the only one who ordered a hot lunch so the waiter brought it after the others had theirs. I was sitting there on my scooter with a space in front of me & the waiter said to my brother 'Where do you want this?' I said 'On my lap' & he proceeded to hand it to me while looking at my brother & totally avoiding eye contact with me.
  
• I had an 'aromatic duck wrap' which was seriously yummy.
  
• I discovered that a 9 year old girl trying on several items of clothing takes ages.
• I discovered that a 12 year old girl trying on several items of clothing takes even longer.
  
• As we were going down High Street younger niece started taking off her top even though it was freezing cold. Brother yelled 'Don't take your clothes off!' Older niece tried to act as if she didn't know him.
• We allowed children to go into changing rooms in Marks & Spencers on their own. We were calmly chatting outside when became aware of sounds of children screaming & shouting. Thought 'someone's children are making a lot of noise'. Slowly realised they were my nieces who were making a lot of noise. As it was a ladies changing room I had to be the one to go in & sort it out - younger niece having tantrum as she didn't want to try on clothes with labels in them.
• My brother has a bit of a warped sense of humour. There were 2 boys lying on the floor in M & S, quite why they were lying on the floor I don't know but what my brother said was 'Come on Liz leap over them with your scooter.' The woman with them just didn't see the funny side, big time! I & older niece tried to act as if we didn't know him.
• We were going down in lift & older niece said she'd go down stairs. Waited at bottom of stairs, no sign of her. She called on mobile, a bit panicky, at this point realised there were 2 stairs in shop. At same moment younger niece decided to just run out of shop with my brother following her through crowds yelling at top of his voice while I scooted off in search of older niece.
• Shops absolutely packed, long queues everywhere, didn't get everything we wanted, exhausted.
• It's really sad circumstances but I love being with my nieces. I wish they didn't live so far away.
  
  

My brother phoned this morning, his father in law died last night, very peacefully, with two of his daughters by his side.
He was someone we were very fond of and I'm glad he is now at peace and free from his suffering but right now I feel really sad.

We all ended up going to the party last night but P left early (about 10.30). I actually spent quite a lot of time playing rummy with Tim's little sister which was really nice. J & I did the party poppers & crackers bit with everyone at 12.00. When I left at 00.45 J was still awake which has meant that today he has been very tired & grumpy & we have had some real difficulty in trying to get him to do his project today. And I mean REAL DIFFICULTY!!